


Regrets in the Crying Sky

by Rhov



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Adultery, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Bathing/Washing, Beards (Facial Hair), Biting, Blood Kink, Bloodplay, Blow Job in the Shower, Blow Jobs, Boys' Love, Cheating, Come Eating, Come Marking, Come Swallowing, Couch Cuddles, Divorce, Domestic Disputes, Explicit Sexual Content, Facial Hair Kink, Future Fic, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, Loss of Virginity, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Marking, Married Character, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pretend Spouse, Rain, Regret, Scent Marking, Scratching, Shounen-ai, Shower Sex, Spanking, Uke On Top, Watching Someone Sleep, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2017-12-14 15:57:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhov/pseuds/Rhov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years, they've grown and married, yet one thing remains the same. Gray was always in love with the Fire Dragon Slayer, yet could never say the words. Now, they have the chance to push aside 12 years of regrets and, for one night, make all their fantasies come true. What are the consequences of choosing the Dragon Slayer over the wife waiting for him at home?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moonlessnight126](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlessnight126/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Another collaboration with Moonlessnight126, who inspired "Super Psycho Love," "Burning Bridges," "Dangerous Drugs," and many one-shots._
> 
> _I came up with a playlist for the fanfic. A nice song to start this fanfic is["Something I Can Never Have (Still)"](http://a.tumblr.com/tumblr_msumjcblGP1qditoio1.mp3) by Nine Inch Nails. This version of the song is haunting!_
> 
> _[Fanart by Blissful-birdy](http://fav.me/d6c7kpy)_
> 
> _This story takes place 12 years after events in Hiro Mashima's Fairy Tail._

As Gray entered Magnolia, the sky overhead bubbled with dark clouds, threatening quite a storm. It cast the city in shades of silver, green, and gray-blue, making the city look older … much like Gray himself.

Or maybe he just felt old today. The S-Class mission he had recently finished took him a month to complete. After something like that, he felt his age, no longer a spry teenager, although he was not all that old yet. Still, thirty years were a long time for the body to keep up with such rigorous activities.

As he looked at the monochrome view of his hometown, Gray knew he should be feeling elation. He was home! He should probably rush to his house and kiss Juvia hello. He had told her he would arrive this weekend, still three days away. She would probably bake a cake to celebrate, just like she always did. However, thinking of his wife did not make him as happy as he knew it should. Sure, he cared deeply for Juvia, she was a sweet woman who doted on him … a little too much, sometimes. He married her because he knew no other person would feel as deeply for him as Juvia did.

No one else…

Surely not the person who stole his heart years ago.

However, back then he lacked the courage to express himself properly. He kept quiet. He _… settled_. He knew what was expected of him—become S-Class, serve the guild, marry a sweet lady, someday have children. That was what people told him he should want, what they urged him to do, so he figured he would feel happier with a charming lady like Juvia by his side, rather than that _other_ person.

Especially when _he_ wasn't around. _He_ too was a S-Class mage now. _He_ also went on long missions. _He_ never found out that Gray had harbored an unrequited love for over twelve years.

Gray smiled gently as he thought of that huge smile, those narrow eyes, and the pink hair. He could not remember the last time he and Natsu were in Magnolia at the same time. Since the Dragon Slayer refused to ride transportation, his missions always took twice as long, and Natsu tended to clamber for the craziest missions available. When Gray arrived in town, it was usually to hear that Natsu had just left on yet another mission.

He wished he could see the crazy flame-brain, if only to see how the years had treated him.

Gray walked slowly through the streets of Magnolia, reminiscing about the times he used to spend as a child, racing from the guild to the candy store, or running away from Erza when he smashed her cake. He passed by Lucy's old house on Strawberry Street, now rented to someone else, some new guild member whose name Gray could not recall. He drifted to the river, where he and Natsu had fought every day. Memories of those arguments, so childish and inane, made Gray smile. He remembered teasing Natsu when he got pounded by Erza and arguing with him over the dumbest, most juvenile stuff.

Most of all, he remembered one mission, before Lucy arrived. He had teamed up with Loke, but they got separated in the fight. The enemy was tough, Gray had only been fifteen, and he was hit so hard, he heard his ribs crack. As blackness swallowed his vision, he heard an enraged roar and saw flames. When he came to, he was riding on Natsu's back, and they were halfway to Magnolia. The Dragon Slayer had happened upon the fight, and what Gray could not beat, Natsu did. That had shamed Gray at the time, but riding on Natsu's back also changed something within himself.

Natsu had defended him. When he fell in defeat, it was Natsu who carried him all the way back home. Natsu had always been there for him, by his side. They fought like usual, but now the fights were a cover-up for Gray, a way to stubbornly hide the way he felt, acting tough and mighty, yet hiding his blushes whenever Natsu laughed along with him.

Gray found himself stopping in front of Natsu's house. He had been so lost in thought, he did not notice that his feet dragged him all the way out here.

Natsu's house! He hadn't visited the place in probably five years! It hadn't really changed during that time. Seeing it brought back memories.

Gray shook his head. It wasn't like Natsu was ever home anyway.

Something wet plinked on his nose. Gray looked up at the sky and felt droplets tickle his face. It had darkened considerably as he strolled aimlessly through the town. In the distance, he heard a low roll of thunder.

"Crap," he whispered. He turned, wondering if he could make it all the way back to his house before the storm hit.

Just as he took a couple steps, he heard a door creak open. Gray looked back with wide, shocked eyes. A figure stepped out of warm yellow light and into the chilly rain. Large muscles, lanky pink hair, a white scarf: Gray caught his breath. Natsu had grown since their time teamed up with Erza and Lucy. Gray had always been a bit proud at being taller, but all bragging rights vanished when Natsu shot up. Now he was taller, leaner, more rugged with longish hair, and although he had even more muscles, he moved with a certain gracefulness, a confident carriage that only a trained fighter possessed.

Natsu grumbled about the rain as he carried two plastic bags in his hands. "Phew, this stinks!" he cried out, dumping them into a metal trashcan.

After he closed the lid to the reek of old food, Natsu smelled something else, something familiar carried over the moist air. His nose perked up, he sniffed harder, and up ahead in the gloomy twilight he saw someone with gray-blue eyes and black hair.

"Gray!" he cried out, grinning wildly. "What're you doing here this late at night?"

Gray could hardly help but smile at his childhood rival. "Just got back from a mission."

"Juvia said you weren't due until this weekend."

"Yeah, well, I'm a little early."

Natsu looked confused, even a little worried, but he dismissed it with a forced laugh. "Good mission?"

"Pay was sweet, but it was damn easy, if you ask me."

Natsu smirked at him. "Getting cocky are we, droopy-eyes?"

Gray caught his breath. It had been so long since he heard that nickname.

Suddenly, thunder clapped overhead, and the rain fell mercilessly. Gray pulled his jacket up to his head and cursed at the sky.

"What are you doing standing around?" snapped Natsu. "Get inside before you get soaked."

Gray hesitated. He and Natsu, alone in his house! Warmth spread through his body, yet he felt a shiver.

A second thunderclap settled his doubts. He raced inside the hot house and past Natsu. When he heard the door click shut, a slight tremble crept over his body.

"Cold?" Natsu asked in surprise.

"Are you kidding? Never," Gray said, trying to sound offended.

He dusted off the droplets clinging to his long, white coat. Natsu rushed to the bathroom and brought him a towel. When he felt Natsu lay the warm towel over his head, Gray felt a flush in his face. He roughly grabbed it out of the Dragon Slayer's hands.

"You're not my mother, asshole," he snapped.

Gray ran the towel over his hair, letting it fall into his face to hide the blushing. Still, Natsu stood nearby. A little too close, for Gray's liking. Through dripping bangs and the fluffy towel, he glanced up to see Natsu smiling down at him. That face made heat course through Gray's veins, tingling his whole body.

_What am I doing here? Why did I even come here? Damn! I really am an idiot._

As they stood together in the entryway Gray was even more reminded of Natsu's new height. Well, not _new_. He shot up ten years ago, just before he turned twenty. Still, it was ten years of them not being on the same team, rarely seeing one another, and then usually bickering from across the room. He could not remember the last time he stood this close to Natsu. The Dragon Slayer radiated heat that Gray could feel, even from this distance. The whole house smelled like him. Gray did not have a Dragon Slayer's nose, but it was impossible to miss such unique musk.

When Gray looked up, those sage-green eyes, so dark they appeared black in low light, were gazing down at him. Maybe Natsu was not _that_ much taller, just a fraction, but having those narrow eyes looking down on him, slightly lowered like that, made Gray's heart pound.

"Excuse the intrusion," Gray muttered, forcing his eyes to look away with a petulant scowl.

"No problem!" Natsu said cheerfully. "Hey, did you shrink, Gray?"

"Shut up!"

"They say old men start to shrink. You're, what, thirty already?"

"So what if I am?" Gray snapped. "Besides, you missed my birthday party. It's a miracle you know my age."

"Couldn't be helped. I was on a mission."

"I know," Gray mumbled.

Always, Natsu was on a mission. He missed Gray's twentieth birthday because he was on a mission. He missed his twenty-fifth birthday, too. He missed Gray's wedding because he was on a mission … although, to be fair, he was with Gildarts for that one; they were both hard-pressed and injured when they came back laughing like idiots and apologizing to Gray and Juvia.

"I'll get tea started," Natsu offered. "Hey, I got some extra food if you want dinner. Can you stay for a bit?"

"Well, no one is really expecting me yet," Gray reasoned.

"Awesome. It's been a while."

Gray smiled nostalgically. "It certainly has."

Natsu rushed off to the kitchen while Gray took off his shoes at the door. He realized there were no lights on, only candles and a fire burning in the hearth.

"Did the storm knock out your power?"

"Huh? Oh, nah. Since I'm not home enough, I stopped paying the electric bill. They shut it off years ago. I'm fine without it. I have my flames."

Gray mumbled to himself, "It's a miracle the house hasn't burned down."

"Stone and fireproof wood," Natsu answered. Gray was shocked the Dragon Slayer heard him from way over there. Then he remembered, Natsu's hearing as well as his sense of smell were fairly keen.

Towering piles of boxes littered the living room. Most were marked simply _Natsu's Stuff_. The furniture was all covered in dust sheets. There really was no place to sit. Gray figured Natsu probably kept everything in storage because he barely stayed at home long enough to unpack.

"Does Happy still live with you?" Gray called out to the kitchen where he heard clinking cups and cupboards creaking open only to slam closed.

"Nah, he moved out shortly after the kittens arrived. He takes care of the place when I'm gone, but he doesn't live in it."

"I see," Gray muttered, glancing around at the eerie emptiness lit only by candles. It felt rather depressing, thinking about living in such a building all alone. "I'm surprised you'd bother to keep a whole house if you're rarely around to sleep in it."

"I like the place," he grinned, fixing tea. "It always feels good to come home to my own bed. So, how did you know I was back in Magnolia?"

"I didn't. I came here by coincidence."

"Oh." Natsu came out with a tray for tea. "Hmm, no real place to set anything. Sorry it's a bit bare."

"It's fine. I understand."

"Let's go to the bedroom. That's the only room I keep set up."

Gray followed Natsu to another room. When they first entered, it was dark. The greenish-gray hues of the storm outside blended with the shadows in the room. It was dark, but it felt peaceful to Gray, a place to hide away, a void unencumbered by neither clutter nor emptiness, sweet and secluding darkness, a refuge where he could hide the acrid longing in his eyes. Natsu set the tea tray on a small table, then lit a candle, banishing those gentle, dark, shrouding colors.

"Sugar?" asked Natsu.

"What? Oh! Um, no thanks."

For just one jolting moment, Gray had thought Natsu called him a sweet name. He mentally scolded himself. He had to keep on his guard here, trapped deep within the dragon's den. Gray took a cup of pale green tea and sipped it. Shockingly, it wasn't half bad!

"Mind if I smoke?" he asked.

"Just keep the window open."

Gray moved over to the bedroom window and pushed open the panes. A mist of rain drifted in, but it felt good and cold on his face compared to the hot air of the dragon slayer's house. Gray set his tea down, tapped out a cigarette, and searched his pockets for his lighter.

"Let me," offered Natsu.

He held one finger up, and a small flame ignited. Gray hummed a thanks and leaned the cigarette over the flame. Then he took a deep drag, held the smoke in his lungs to calm himself, and let out a perfect smoke ring. It drifted out into the rain and was quickly crushed by the wet drops.

"I thought you dropped that habit years ago," Natsu mumbled, wrinkling his nose at the smell.

Gray smirked as he looked at the Dragon Slayer from the corner of his eyes. "There's a lot you don't know about me." Silently, he thought, _Things I can never tell you._

Natsu coughed from the stench of the smoke and moved over to the bed. He laid back as he looked up at the ceiling. Somewhere, a clock ticked away the tense seconds.

"How's married life?"

Gray flinched at the question and looked back over to the pink-haired man. Natsu was sprawled on the bed, arms folded under his head, perfectly calm and relaxed … and sexy. Damn sexy! Gray's throat went instantly dry, and he grabbed up the tea for a quick sip.

"It's going well," he answered, forcing his voice to be neutral. "Juvia was hinting at wanting kids just before I left. We might try while I'm home. Honestly, that's why I took such a long mission. The pay will let me take a few months off, so we can start trying."

"Oh … is that so?" Some of the brightness in Natsu's eyes dimmed as he smiled sadly. "That's good to hear. I'd wish you luck, but…" Natsu laughed, but even Gray could hear that it sounded forced. "…but I'm sure you two know what you're doing in _that_ arena."

"Five years of marriage does make a person an expert in the bedroom," Gray smirked, old rivalries making him want to brag a little.

"Hmm, guess so," Natsu muttered.

Gray scolded himself. He had heard rumors that Natsu was starting to feel depressed at seeing all of his friends getting married, while he himself had failed to keep a steady girlfriend. Gray decided that talking about Juvia, or bragging about all the sex, was not only wretchedly awkward for him, but probably depressing for a bachelor like Natsu.

"I'm glad you two are happy. You deserve it."

Gray felt his heart sting at Natsu's congratulatory words.

"You got really lucky, snagging such a caring wife like Juvia."

_Please, just stop talking!_

Natsu flashed him a massive grin. "And she got fortunate to finally capture her precious Gray-sama. Lucky girl!"

Gray smiled bittersweetly. "Yeah … thanks."

He turned his face back out to the window, took a long drag on the cigarette, and exhaled out into the cold. Natstu was there— _right there_ —right in front of him. He was so close, yet Gray felt constricted. In the past, it was fear of rejection that kept him quiet. Now, he had Juvia to think about. He could not express himself.

Not directly, anyway.

"Hey Natsu?"

"Hmm?"

Gray looked down at the ashy tip of his cigarette. "Do you have any regrets in life?"

Natsu's eyes lowered as his heart tightened from a deep pain. "Yeah." Gray stayed quiet to listen, so slowly Natsu continued. "I regret that I couldn't save Simon in the Tower of Heaven. I regret not saving Future-Lucy during the Grand Magic Games. I regret breaking up the team. I regret walking in on Erza and Jellal that one time at a theme park."

Gray laughed heartily. "Oh God, she destroyed half the park chasing after you!"

"Yeah," Natsu laughed, but his eyes went sad. "But my biggest regret … is not taking action when I saw someone I loved being taken away from me."

Gray thought about his words for a solemn moment as he inhaled his smoke. "Do you mean Lucy?"

Natsu's eyes dimmed, yet he did not give an answer.

"I heard she's engaged," Gray mentioned, treading cautiously on this subject.

"Married already," Natsu said softly.

Gray jolted at that. "Married? When?"

"Last week."

"I thought the wedding was planned for summer."

Natsu smiled mischievously. "Her belly would have been too big if she waited that long."

Gray's cheeks went hot. "Oh! I … I didn't know. I should buy her a wedding gift. And a baby gift too, I guess. Wow."

He was at a loss on how to react to this news. He knew Natsu had feelings for Lucy since they were young. An unrequited love, now squashed. Gray knew the feeling all too well.

"Lucy…" Gray mused softly. "It's been a while since she took that columnist job for _Sorcerer Magazine_. Have you seen her? How is she doing?"

"Doing well. She's had morning sickness last time I visited. Now she knows how I felt every time she dragged me onto a train. Her and Erza were swapping stories on babies the whole time."

"So how's Erza and Jellal?"

"Oh, they're doing great," Natsu scoffed out a droll laugh. "They're expecting a baby come autumn."

"Another?" exclaimed Gray. "Sheesh, those two!"

Natsu just laughed. "Yesterday, she told me she misses our petty brawls. They weren't half as bad as the fights her twins get into."

Gray had to crack a laugh at that. "I miss them too, squinty-eyes."

"Droopy-eyes."

"Furnace face!"

"Pervy exhibitionist!"

"Air-headed flame-brain!"

"Ice Princess."

They glared at each other from across the room for a moment before breaking into smiles. It almost felt like old times, like they were teenagers again, wild rivals who did nothing but bicker and fight. Once again, Gray felt young, carefree, unburdened … but then he felt the stab of harrowing reality.

_If things had been different … if they had just been a little different…_

He looked away quickly to hide the sadness on his face, and he stared outside at the rain pelting the forest outside Magnolia. Not even his cigarette could soothe the ache of missed opportunities.

"So, do you have any past regrets?" Natsu asked, sounding completely casual, as if he had not seen the misery on Gray's face.

Gray hummed deeply. "I have way too many to list, starting all the way back with my parents dying and Ur sacrificing herself. But those were mostly out of my control. My deepest, most personal regret … is keeping silent when I wanted to express my feelings to the person I cared about most, but I couldn't say a word."

"You loved someone?" Natsu asked in amazement. "Someone other than Juvia?"

Gray nodded, smiling bitterly at the crying sky. "I still do," he whispered.

The cigarette came to its end as he breathed out the emptiness inside. Gray crushed out the embers and flicked the stick into the rain. It landed in a dark puddle and quickly sank into the mud.

"You never told that person?" Natsu asked, sounding hesitant yet intrigued.

Gray shook his head. "It was completely one-sided. It's too late, anyway. All I can do now is stand back and watch … stand far away, so I don't make an even worse mistake."

"Mistake?" Natsu whispered solemnly. "Do you mean with Juvia?" Natsu looked blankly at the single candle that flickered in the bedroom. It danced from the chilly breeze wafting through the window, melting the wax faster, burning through its short wick quickly with such wild heat. "Would you … don't get mad at me for asking," he added quickly, interrupting his own question, "but … would you divorce her?"

"No," Gray said immediately.

How often had he questioned that himself? If, by some divine miracle, Natsu suddenly turned gay and wanted him, would he leave Juvia for Natsu?

"No, she doesn't deserve to be treated like a substitute, and in all honesty, she's not. I love her, really. Just … not how I love that other person," he said, shivering slightly at confessing this, skating around the truth in front of the person who gave his stomach butterflies. "It's a different love. A deep love—she's my wife—but … different. She's kindhearted, smart, funny, a little too devoted to me at times, but that's just how she is. This … me feeling like _this_ … it isn't fair to her. I don't want to hurt her, but sometimes…" He bit on the tip of his thumb, already wishing he had another cigarette, something he could hide behind. "If I could go back in time, do it over again…"

He merely shook his head, knowing he could never express all the regrets he had. Even if he had confessed and got rejected, at least he would have taken that chance rather than suffer all his life never knowing, always wondering, doubting, hoping, dreaming…

Natsu sat up with a sad expression to hear his old rival sound so depressed. "Gray?"

Suddenly, Gray shouted, "You should have made your move, Natsu!" The outburst shocked the Dragon Slayer. "Goddammit, if you had feelings for Lucy, you should have taken action. You're going to regret it now," he warned in anger. "You'll live in a pit of dark regrets … like I do." He looked back outside as his eyes began to sting. The rainy mist felt too much like teardrops, so Gray closed the window and leaned his head against the chilly glass. He muttered, "I didn't want that for you. I wanted you to find love, too. Even if it's lukewarm, some love— _any_ love—is better than loneliness … right?"

Natsu clenched his fists. He bolted up and stomped across the bedroom, unable to bear hearing those words. "Damn you, Gray!"

The black-haired man jolted at the shout. He turned and saw pain in the bronze face. "Natsu?"

The dragon slayer's fists shook with rage. " _Any love?_ Is that what you think? Any fucking love will do? Goddamn you!" he hissed. "If it wasn't for this storm, I'd kick your ass out of my house right now. Dammit, why did you have to come here?" he screamed. "I've been avoiding you all this time, yet here you are, standing in front of me, talking like that."

The words stabbed Gray deeply. Natsu was avoiding him? Why?

He began to reach up to Natsu's irked face, but the Dragon Slayer slapped his hand away. Natsu roughly grabbed Gray by the lapels of his coat, flung him away from the window, and slammed him against a wall. Gray felt his head hit hard enough to black out his vision for a moment, yet when the shadows cleared, he saw Natsu right in front of him with his teeth clenched. Gray wondered if he was about to get punched. Natsu looked raging mad, and Gray had no idea why.

_I've been avoiding you all this time…_

Suddenly, anger boiled in Gray's veins. "What the hell, Natsu? So you're telling me that all these years, you were purposely avoiding me? Is that why you always left just before I arrived home? Just to ignore me? To not even see me? Is that why you were shocked to see me home early? I bet you were planning on leaving again before this weekend."

"That's right," Natsu said coldly. "That's why everything is boxed up. I planned to leave tomorrow."

Tears burned Gray's eyes, yet he refused to shed them. "Do you hate me that much?"

Instead of shouting, Natsu let go of the coat and lowered his head with a growling sigh. "You should get out of here, Gray. Go home. Go back to your wife … before I do something stupid!"

Gray grabbed Natsu by the scarf and shook him roughly. "Don't you dare retreat from me now, bastard! Aren't we eternal rivals, former teammates … _nakama_? All those missions, all those years teamed up … did you never once think of me as a friend at least? Just something disgusting, a rival to be avoided? After all we went through together, is this how much I mean to you? _Nothing?_ " He knew he was over-reacting, but pain stung his heart as he blurted out the words.

Natsu looked at him with a weary gaze for a few moments. Slowly, his brow tensed as if battling the deepest remorse, and he whispered, "It wasn't Lucy."

Gray blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

Natsu shoved Gray's hand off the white scarf and leaned in closer, his arms next to the ice mage's face, caging him in against the wall. "It wasn't … ever … Lucy." He sneered, and a sniffle escaped before he had a chance to cover his face. His fingers sank deep into his hair as he hid away his anguish. "Dammit, Gray! I … I really … _Dammit!_ "

Instead of anger, sadness chilled Gray's heart as he saw the misery in Natsu's face. But why? Not Lucy? Then who? Lisanna? But she was still single. Could it have been Erza?

"Che!" Gray scoffed, looking away as the despondent face tormented his heart. "I can never understand you, flame-brain."

"My deepest regret," he whispered, still hiding his face in his hand, "is not taking action, even when my whole soul begged for it. Letting that person go without even stretching out my hand to grab hold. It's too late now, but if I could have one chance … just be granted one moment of happiness where I can finally tell that person…" Natsu's trembling voice faded to nothing.

"Tell who? Hell, I'll help you out if you're such a coward."

Natsu laughed moistly as a defiant tear slipped down his cheek. "A coward. Yes, I'm a coward. S-Class means nothing to me anymore, because in the face of the person I care for most, I'm a hopeless and pathetic coward."

Gray felt like acid was burning his heart. It was torture, knowing Natsu cared for someone this much, while he admitted he was purposely avoiding Gray.

"Are you crying? What the hell happened to you, Natsu? You were never like this before. What bitch broke your heart so badly that it changed you into a sniveling pussy? If it wasn't Lucy, then who was she? Someone in the guild? Some village girl you met on one of your long missions? Who?" When he did not hear an answer, Gray bellowed, "Tell me, Natsu!"

Natsu slowly moved his hand away from his face. A gleam of tears and sorrow shimmered in his narrow eyes. "You, Gray. You're the bitch who changed me."

**End of Chapter 1**


	2. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A song I really love for this story is["Pieces"](http://a.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsdhzrtR3e1qfpzyyo1.mp3) by Red._

Gray froze, trapped by the Dragon Slayer's passion-filled eyes, caught like a rabbit in a snare. For a moment, he forgot to breathe, merely blinking as Natsu's words tried to fit into his bewildered mind. He stared blankly at the Dragon Slayer. After a silent moment, Natsu finally put his hand back over his eyes, trying to hide the pained emotions on his face.

Gray suddenly remembered to inhale. Was this really happening? Did Natsu really say what he thought he said? _You're the bitch who changed me._ Did that mean what he thought it meant? Maybe he was misunderstanding it.

"Me?" Gray whispered numbly. "I changed you? But … but how…"

Natsu cut him off. "It's because I didn't hold onto you when you were being taken away from me. Juvia swept you away like a spring flood, and _I didn't do a fucking thing about it!_ " he roared.

"Na- … -tsu?"

_Didn't hold on to … to me? I was taken away … from him? From Natsu? That means, who Natsu loved back then … the person Natsu regrets not confessing to … No! No, it can't be. Oh God! All this time?  
_

Gray's eyes went wide, and his hands trembled with shock. The truth sank deep into him. The way Natsu looked at him, those squinty eyes were not filled with hate, but with longing. Longing for him! He felt the icy hollowness inside being filled with Natsu's warmness. The only one who understood his suffering, his pain, and the emptiness in his heart, was the man who had been suffering the same things all along.

And Gray never once realized it.

Natsu dropped his hand completely, exposing all of his face, no longer hiding his feelings. Gray gave a soft gasp at the intensity in those sage-green eyes. They practically burned with forbidden passion that Natsu had been bottling for … who knew how long! Gray's gaze fell to the floor to hide from that intense stare.

"Why?" Gray asked softly, his voice frail and cracking under the anguishing strain. "Why did you keep quiet?"

"You're in love with Juvia," Natsu explained with a weary shrug. "I wanted you to be happy."

"Idiot!" he shrieked. Gray's lips trembled as he tried desperately to hold back surging emotions. "You … goddamn … idiot," he whispered hoarsely, swallowing back sobs. He took a slow, unsteady breath, and finally confessed, "I was in love with _you_ , Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer's eyes widened fractionally. "But … Juvia…"

"I married her because I couldn't stand the thought of never having love at all. I needed … something. Anything!"

"Any love," Natsu repeated, stunned as Gray's previous words now made sense.

"That's right," Gray said acridly. "Any love. Anything but suffering alone. And she was there, she was willing, and she's been … kind. Loving," he admitted hesitantly. "But she wasn't who I originally wanted. You were. Yet you never gave me a _single hint_ that you felt anything more than pure disgust and loathing toward me. Dammit, Natsu! Why didn't you say something before I married her? Why did you turn away from me, when you could have pulled me into your arms? Why…?"

"Because I'm a coward, okay?" Natsu screamed. "Because I thought it was better to live with my unrequited love rather than hear you reject me. You never gave _me_ any hints either, dumb-ass!"

Gray shuddered out tears. "Bastard! Why tell me now, when I can't … I _can't_ …" A sobbing hiccup shivered out. Teardrops slid down his face and fell as tiny splashes onto Natsu's floor. Gray punched the wall behind him in frustration. "Goddammit!"

Natsu reached up and gently stroked the tears away. He had seen Gray cry before, but never like this. Those tears burned Natsu's heart like no flame could. The shiver of his cold breathes, the quivering muscles that strained to hold back emotions, the occasional sound of Gray's throat clenching as he tried to swallow back sobs, was almost too much for the Dragon Slayer to bear.

"I'm sorry, Gray. I couldn't keep it a secret forever, I guess. It was too much of a burden. That's why I kept avoiding you for all these years." He turned his face away in regret. "I never should have brought you into this house. Part of me was hoping … but I knew it'd only trouble you. I really am sorry."

Gray glared at him, sniffled, then suddenly he threw his arms around Natsu and pulled him into a crushing hug. Natsu was nearly yanked off his feet and steadied himself against the wall with his hand.

"You idiot!" Gray shrieked. He grasped those muscular shoulders tightly, as if fearing that if he let go now, he would lose Natsu forever.

Years of regret broke down, and a lifetime of new regrets formed in that single moment. Now Gray knew the truth, yet he was married. This was unfair to him, unfair to Natsu, yet immensely unfair to Juvia.

_If only I could have one moment … one night of true happiness … just one … with Natsu._

Natsu stroked Gray's black hair and rested his chin on the strong shoulder. Holding Gray felt … comfortable. Right! He wanted to hug him like this and never let go.

"I want to be greedy," Natsu confessed in a sinful whisper. "I want to steal you away from your wife, make you mine … just for one night."

Gray pulled back with reddened eyes. Painfully, a smile struggled to his lips. "I want that, too," he breathed guiltily.

Their eyes shined deeply, burning, freezing, tingling the skin of one another. Although they spent all of their lives as polar opposites—fire and ice, summer and winter—now they felt a magnetic attraction, something impossible to resist.

Not like they wanted to fight it! Not now. Not when they finally knew the truth.

Their lips slowly neared each other. Natsu felt cold breaths on his mouth, and Gray felt puffs of hot air on his nose as Natsu leaned over him slightly. They hesitated for a moment in trepidation, a worried glance into one another's eyes to ask a silent question: _Do you really want this?_ Seeing the eagerness in each other's face, Natsu leaned forward more, and Gray tipped his chin up a little, softly uniting their lips in a gentle kiss.

Their eyes closed in surrender to such forbidden passion, as fluttering bliss filled the emptiness of their hearts.

Natsu's mouth felt warm and firm, his lips a little chapped, but the strength in that mouth could be sensed even in such a soft kiss. As the heat between them soared, they inhaled through their noses, unwilling to part from this moment.

A little bit of dark pink stubble on his chin tickled Gray's face. Hesitantly, Gray reached up and touched the razor-roughened cheek. Natsu jolted with a faint gasp at the icy fingers. Then he leaned into the caress with a sigh humming through his nose.

Their longing desire and growing passion could have iced Hell and burned Heaven.

Natsu pulled back, letting their lips pop at separating, and he looked deeply into Gray's hazy eyes. Nothing had ever before looked so beautiful as that face lost in dreamy ecstasy, and it made Natsu's stomach tug with need. He wanted to see more unique expressions. He wanted to see every face Gray hid behind dark rooms.

Natsu leaned down again, firmer this time, and pressed Gray against the wall. His hand felt the black hair, still slightly damp from the rain. Gray's mouth tasted of cigarettes, green tea, and peppermint.

Natsu wanted more!

His licked Gray's lip and smirked when he heard a small gasp. Then that mouth opened, something wet moistened his dry lips, and a cold sigh entered his mouth. Their tongues met, like a jolt of electricity, and Natsu grunted to keep from wantonly moaning at the taste.

Gray was potently aware of Natsu's height now. After years married to a shorter woman, it was awkward to have to tilt his head up to kiss.

Years married!

_"Gray-sama!"_

He gasped and pulled away in a panic. Gray knew that had not been her voice, just a memory. Still, terror and guilt shot through his veins.

"Gray? Gray!" Natsu called out softly, worried at the widened, horrified eyes. The Dragon Slayer suddenly smelled fear in the cold body. Although he felt sinking disappointment, he knew he had to be understanding. "It's okay. We can stop."

Gray gasped, and his eyes shot up in dread. "No!" he breathed. A shiver escaped, trembling his whole body, and Natsu felt the muscles shuddering under him.

Natsu caressed his cold face and smiled with empathy. "You don't have to."

"I want to," he insisted, yet a second later his face flinched with guilt.

Natsu was torn. Part of him knew just how wrong this was. Twelve years ago, it would have just been taboo, two men together. Now, it was adultery!

Gray pulled Natsu closer to him, rubbing his nose across the stubbly cheek, giving himself a moment to truly make up his mind. His fingers ran through the soft pink hair, down Natsu's ears, and he caressed the hidden neck with his thumb, dipping down under the scarf.

Warm fingers slid up Gray's face, tracing the dry tear tracks. Natsu gazed at Gray as he saw the inner struggle. He could do nothing. He could not push him into something he would regret, but he also did not have the heart to shove Gray away.

"I should have told you this a long time ago, and maybe it's too late, but…" Natsu looked firmly into those blue-gray eyes and rubbed the tip of his nose against the icy one. "I love you, Gray. I have for … well, for a long time," he said after a pause as he tried and failed to pinpoint just when it happened.

Softly, enjoying the warm skin on his face, Gray confessed, "I was fifteen—maybe sixteen—when I realized I was in love."

This declaration eased Natsu's heart. Then he smirked playfully. "That long, huh? Jerk! That was way before Juvia arrived. Before Lucy, too. Hell, I think that might have been before Lisanna disappeared."

"Just before," Gray nodded. "We all thought you two were dating, so of course I didn't say anything. I didn't really understand it, either. Then when we thought she died, you changed. I obviously couldn't tell you while you were grieving for her. After that, there just never seemed to be a moment serious enough to tell you the truth."

Natsu nodded, realizing Gray had a point. Lisanna's supposed death had traumatized the entire guild, especially him, Mirajane, and Elfman. "I think this moment is pretty serious."

Gray smirked at such an understatement. "This moment is _hells_ serious, bastard."

"So tell me again," Natsu urged playfully as his eyelids lowered. "Tell me properly."

Gray scoffed softly to hide his blushing fluster. "Why should I say something so embarrassing?"

"Because I wanna hear it," Natsu grinned. He leaned over and nibbled on Gray's ear. Then he breathed out softly, "I want to hear you say it, in your voice, and watch your lips, so I know for sure that I'm not imagining all this. It's too good to be true, so I need you to say it properly. Bluntly." He leaned up and looked into Gray's face with anticipation. "Say it."

Gray realized that Natsu was holding his breath now. He looked so cute: worried yet hopeful. Gray reached up and caressed that eager, boyish face.

"I love you … Natsu."


	3. Hesitancy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Many songs could go along with this chapter, but two that were recommended and really impressed me were[Lacuna Coil's "End of Time"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USXHxgWoS9g) and [Tritonal feat. Phoebe Ryan, "Now Or Never."](http://youtu.be/eSSO1LfMO8w)_
> 
> _"I'd rather have one night than nothing forever. Yeah, that would be alright with me. It's now or never."_

It was bliss to speak the words freely, a soothing balm to the acid that had been eating away at Gray's heart for far too long. Whatever sin they were about to commit, they were ready to embrace it together, all for this fleeting chance at true happiness. Although outside, the lightning flashed like warning signs and the rainstorm beat harder, in that room all sounds and smells faded. Only their breathing and the heady musk of their skin permeated the bedroom.

Their lips united again, softly at first. Then Gray grabbed a handful of Natsu's hair and yanked him in closer. The Dragon Slayer grunted at such roughness, and he pressed Gray tighter against the wall, pinning him there with his hips. Gray groaned at the hard bulge that rubbed against him, feeling how aroused Natsu was at just kissing. He reached around, grabbed Natsu's hips, and yanked him in even closer, rotating his groin a little to rub that erection.

"Ahhh," Natsu cried out as he shuddered.

He yanked off Gray's white coat and unbuttoned the black shirt. His fingers glided over the cold skin and pushed the fabric away, letting it drop to the floor. Gray tried to remove the shirt that clung tightly to Natsu's strong abs, but he got stuck pushing it up. Natsu momentarily broke off the kiss, yanked the teeshirt over his head, and threw it to the side, knocking a lampshade askew. Then he dived again to kiss Gray passionately. Their bare chests crushed into each other, cold against hot flesh, as they devoured each other's moans.

Natsu shifted his lips to hungrily kiss Gray's neck. Gray hissed as those chapped lips left a trail of searing wet kisses, like lava dripping down a volcano. Each burning touch sizzled his skin and made his heart pound faster.

"Gray," Natsu whispered, licking the rim of his ear. "Undress me."

Gray shuddered at the order. He had removed his own clothes—mostly without thinking—for many years, yet it had been a secret fantasy of his to undress Natsu. He knew he could have done it in a flash, but he wanted to savor this moment. He grabbed Natsu's belt and slowly threaded it out of the buckle. The metal rattled as the leather slid through, and Gray let the belt hang loosely to the side. His palm rubbed up the zipper, groping slightly, as he blindly felt his way up to the top button.

Natsu hissed as those fingers touched him so gently. He had asked Gray to do this because he wanted to hurry and get naked. Who better for a quick removal of clothes than Fairy Tail's very own stripper?

Damn him for being such a tease!

Still, this slow pace dragged out the pleasure, so Natsu said nothing. As Gray's long fingers slid over him, he felt himself rising, getting bigger and harder, as his groin yearned to be freed from its cotton confines.

At last, with an easy flick, Gray undid the button. Then just as slowly, while thrusting his tongue into Natsu's mouth, he languidly undid the zipper, moving centimeter by centimeter, his thumb and forefinger grasping the zipper clasp, but the other fingers stroking the bulge that had grown considerably in the past minute.

Gray reached his hand inside the opened fly and rubbed against the boxers, caressing between the layers of fabric, feeling out the girth hidden within. Natsu tensed with a choking noise, then shuddered out a low, throaty moan as the chill of those sculpting fingers permeated his boxers and tingled his burning arousal.

Wordlessly, Gray retracted his hand and grabbed the hem of the boxers along with the belt loops of Natsu's pants. He pulled back, gazing heatedly into those lowered, squinty eyes. Then slowly, savoring the journey, he pushed the clothes down Natsu's hips and over his thighs. His whole body dropped with them.

Gray's knees bent more, taking him lower and lower. He kissed Natsu's neck, right over the scar. As he guessed, that was immensely sensitive and left the Dragon Slayer shivering. He nipped Natsu's collarbone, then his lips trailed kisses down the firm chest, laying a chaste yet teasing kiss to each nipple, before dropping further, down the valley that formed between the hills and vales of his abdomen, licking into his belly button, before reaching the trail of pink, wiry hair. The pants were already to Natsu's knees, his arousal freed. Gray paused to look at that mast of manhood, admiring the curved shape, the flushed color, the thick veins, and the wrinkles around his sack.

"Beautiful," he admired softly.

He gave the head a small peck, just a tease, yet even just that made Natsu's hips tense and begin to thrust. Gray pulled back, denying him more … for now. He glanced up with a devious smile, and Natsu glared down in sexual frustration.

"We'll get to that soon," he promised, before continuing to push the pants down to Natsu's ankles.

Eagerly, the Dragon Slayer stepped out of the clothes and put his hand on Gray's head, stroking through the damp black hair. His mouth opened, ready to ask something, yet he held back. Already, he felt guilty for doing this, potentially ruining Gray's marriage. He felt unworthy of asking for more.

Gray saw the yearning look, and he rose back up to his knees. His hands retraced their voyage, sliding back up those powerful thighs, then stroked right over the cock. Natsu shuddered and hissed, "Yessss!"

"I want to taste you," Gray whispered. He leaned forward and slowly, testing it out, he licked up Natsu's shaft.

"Ahh, Gray," Natsu breathed in a sibilant gasp.

Gray savored the heady taste. In his youth dating around, plus five years of marriage, he had experienced plenty of blowjobs, but he never thought he would one day be giving one. He had fantasies and wet dreams, of course. When they had worked together as a team, every time Gray saw Natsu in a hot spring, or changing together in a hotel room, he had looked at that shaft and fantasied about sucking it. However, actually doing it was … amazing! To give the man he loved this much pleasure was far beyond arousing.

He knew what he personally liked, so Gray tried to do it back to Natsu. He hated to think that being married had given him an edge on good sex, yet it was likely true. Now, he wanted to show Natsu everything he had ever learned. He wanted to make this one moment together to be all that both of them had ever dreamed, a cumulation of experience and randy desires.

He licked up, then swirled his tongue around the flared edge. He sucked and nipped on the foreskin, earning a loud cry of pleasure from the Dragon Slayer. Natsu's fingers clutched into Gray's hair, and the ice mage glanced up to see those narrow eyes almost closed, opened only enough to watch him. Purposely, with his eyes locked onto Natsu's, he gave a long, slow lick and watched that face contort at the sweet torture.

"Do you want this, Natsu?"

With his throat too constricted to get out more than grunts, he nodded fervently.

Gray gave a consenting nod. "Tell me when it's too much."

That deep voice, threatening intense pleasure, made Natsu shiver even before Gray made his move. He licked once more, looked lovingly at the thick shaft, before wrapping his lips around it and thrusting down.

Natsu's head flung back, and he cried out, "Oh God!" Before he could fully wrap his mind around what was happening, Gray was moving on him, his mouth wet and warm, his tongue pressing the cock up against the roof of his mouth to make it tighter. Natsu cursed and fought the instinct of thrusting into Gray's mouth.

"Gray," he groaned.

The ice mage hummed, and Natsu clawed the wall with his nails, scraping into the paint. He glanced down at Gray, on his knees, his head moving back and forth on him, lips sucking and sucking and _sucking!_ Natsu tensed his stomach, but seeing this … this _dream_ … was overwhelming.

Then Gray glanced up, and Natsu's throat hitched. Those droopy eyes were dark, heavy, and full of sensual promises. Despite his mouth being busy, there was a smirk to his eyes. Gray knew how good this must be feeling. He gave a savoring suck up the shaft, twirled his tongue around the tip, before slamming back down until it pressed into his throat.

"Oh God, Gray! Wait, wait … dammit!"

Gray pulled back, sucking the whole way, until popping out with a trailing string of saliva. He wanted this moment to last, and sucking Natsu off was far too tempting. He rose back up and caressed those flushed cheeks as Natsu tried to calm himself.

"Damn, you're good," Natsu hissed out, sounding frustrated. "I don't know if I'd be good enough."

Gray smiled, rubbing his thumb over Natsu's lip. "If it's you, it'll be more than good."

"But I have to compete with Juv-…"

The caressing thumb suddenly pressed hard against Natsu's mouth, instantly silencing him. Gray's eyes flashed a warning to shut up. "You're not competing against anyone tonight. It's not a fight, Natsu. It's just us. Only us." His eyes softened, yet they took on a sorrowful expression. "Don't make me think I have to judge you against her. I … I can't do that."

Natsu felt a stab to his chest. Gray might say it was not a competition, but he knew that whatever he did, Gray would compare it to what he was used to. That was only natural. Still, it made Natsu sad. More than ever, he felt like he was intruding where he did not belong.

Gray saw that the Dragon Slayer was bravely holding back tears. Natsu felt guilty, and Gray understood that perfectly well. If they wanted to continue, they both had to move away from thoughts of the world outside and utterly lose themselves in _this_ world, a world of just them, a world where fire and ice coexisted.

"Undress me, Natsu," he ordered sensually. "I want to feel you against my skin."

Natsu made a small gasp. He was honestly shocked that here he was, fully naked, yet Gray was still half dressed. What a switch!

Natsu unbuttoned the tight black jeans, still damp and road-weary from the mission, and eagerly yanked the zipper down. There was no teasing from him. He wanted these clothes gone, and he wanted it now! However, Natsu found it difficult to pull the skin-tight jeans down Gray's sinewy legs. He tugged and pulled, and Gray helped him to shimmy the trousers down.

"How the hell do you strip so fast wearing clothes like this?" the Dragon Slayer grumbled.

"That's why I wear tight jeans now. It's harder to pull them off," Gray explained. He did not want to explain that it was Juvia who demanded he wear tighter clothes while in public, since she did not want anyone to see her precious Gray-sama's private parts.

After a struggle that took far too long for Natsu's liking, the clothes were off … all of them. He stepped back and gazed across Gray's body, truly looking this time. There were no frustrated shouts of "Gray, your clothes" this time. It was just the two of them, and they both realized, if they took this one more step … just one more … there was no turning back.

"Gray," Natsu said quietly, his face betraying his anguish. "Are you sure?"

The ice mage had a gentle yet understated smile. "Not really," he confessed with a soft laugh to hide his nervousness. "But I want it … more than anything. I've waited too many years for this." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Natsu's, not a full kiss, just a glance to feel the heat from that mouth and to reassure himself that this really was Natsu Dragneel in front of him. "I want you, Natsu," he whispered into the flushed ear. "I _need_ you." He licked around the ear, snagged the lobe with his lips, and tugged on it, making Natsu shudder with pleasure.

"Who … um …" With embarrassment, Natsu looked aside. "Which one of us … you know … I mean, you're probably used to topping, but … I sort of…"

Gray took hold of Natsu's shoulders, instantly silencing him. He looked deeply into the Dragon Slayer's face, and then he slowly leaned forward to Natsu's ear. The man used to flames shivered, thinking Gray was going to lick his earlobe again, but instead a cold stream of air whispered.

"I want you to fill me, Natsu. I've felt empty for so long. I want you to fill that void. Fill me with your fire. Melt the years of cold loneliness. Burn away all the regrets … until I burst into flames."

Natsu's brow tightened at hearing such ardor. "Gray!" he exclaimed in a soft, shocked voice.

Hesitancy vanished like smoke. Natsu grabbed Gray and kissed him with as much passion as he could thrust into just his lips alone. His hands reached around, grasping at the cold skin, sliding up and down the sinewy back, feeling the scars left behind from many battles. He felt Gray also grabbing at him, and those cold fingers sizzled over every place they touched.

Gray reached down and grasped Natsu's cock. "Grab mine, too," he instructed. "Rub them at the same time."

Natsu reached down and grasped Gray's shaft. As he felt Gray's cold hands move on him, he matched the tempo. When Gray's thumb ran over the head, Natsu attempted that as well and wiped away a pearl gathered on the top. His panting got louder, filling the silent room.

"Together," Gray huffed.

He brought his body even closer, until the cocks were touching each other. Then Gray stroked both with his hands. Cold and hot blended, and the two men gasped at the same time.

Natsu's hips thrust harder against Gray, pressing him into the wall. Gray shuddered at the feel of that hot body crushing against him. He felt the flex of muscles as Natsu humped slowly, gliding over him, grinding their cocks together.

"N-Natsu," he whimpered.

The Dragon Slayer pulled back, gasping heavily. His eyes burned with lust as he demanded, "Bed, now!"

That was all they needed for action. Natsu yanked Gray off the wall, and Gray pulled Natsu close to him as they stumbled over to the mattress and crashed down. They scrambled over blankets and sheets, kicking them out of the way, while their hands wildly groped anything they could touch.

Natsu kissed down Gray's neck, sucking gently, not enough to leave marks. Part of him realized that, after tonight, he had to hand Gray back over to his wife. He could not claim Gray, not like he wanted to. He was … borrowing. No, stealing! There could be no marking, no claiming! It left a bitter taste in his mouth, knowing that he was taking away a man who belonged to a good friend like Juvia.

Still, that guilt was not enough to stop him now. Natsu had dreamed of this moment, a chance to show Gray his deepest desires and pleasure him gently, roughly, slowly, quickly … dammit, he didn't even know how he wanted this night to go! He just didn't want it to ever end.

However, Natsu realized a dilemma. "If we wanna do this, we'll need something better than spit."

"Olive oil," Gray immediately panted out, writhing under him.

"Ooh, I got that." Natsu pulled away and ran nude out of the bedroom, pattering across the floor in a rush of excitement.

Gray bolted up as he ran off. "Idiot, what are you…? Stupid," he sighed, collapsing back onto the pillow. "Worst timing ever, seriously!"

He stared up at the candle's flickering shadows dancing on the ceiling. Being alone in this bedroom, not having Natsu there to distract him, made Gray think about what he was doing. Slowly, his heart began to sink. It was easy to think " _I'm about to make love to the man I've wanted for fifteen years_ ," yet he also was forced to admit to a crueler reality: " _I'm cheating on the wife I've been married to for five years, the woman who wants to give me children._ "

Juvia's sweet smile came to his mind. Her eyes sparkled like a summer shower, and her lips glistened like dewy rose petals. He could almost hear her voice laughing again: _"Gray-sama!"_

He looked at the window. It always rained when Juvia was sad. He wondered if the rain today was just a normal storm, or if it was because she missed him and could hardly wait for the weekend, for him to return to her house, to her arms, and to her bed.

Bitterly, Gray swallowed back guilt and whispered to himself, "What the hell am I doing?"

Natsu suddenly bounded back inside the bedroom. "I got it!" he cheered, holding the bottle of olive oil aloft like a treasure at the end of a great quest. "This should make it easier. Good thing you know a little about what to do." He laughed lightly as he set the bottle on a nightstand. "I almost wish I had played around a little when I was younger, just so we aren't wasting time like this. Now…" He leaped onto the bed and crawled up beside Gray with a predatory gleam in his eyes. "Where was I?"

Gray kept his gaze on the dark window as Natsu kissed his neck and warmed his chilly body with those burning hands. Although the touches made his body respond on instinct, his face showed indifference, even repulsion.

_Good thing you know a little about what to do._

The only reason he knew about olive oil was from one time with Juvia. How she learned about it, he never asked. He knew she had some serious boyfriends before joining Fairy Tail. When he had tried to ask about them early on in their courtship, she began to cry. Then Magnolia was struck by a storm.

A storm like tonight.

_"Gray-sama!"_

That phantom voice spiked through his brain and straight down to his heart. Guilt tore through him, and he hastily put his hands on Natsu's chest, shoving him away. The Dragon Slayer was jolted back, shocked at being rejected so suddenly, but he saw the anguish in Gray's face. When he looked down to those hands holding him back, the flash of the gold wedding band was like a siren warning him that this man belonged to another.

"Oh … oh man, I totally messed up the mood, didn't I? I'm so sorry, Gray," he said regretfully. "I guess it's probably best to give you some time to think about it. I shouldn't have rushed you and—"

"No," the ice mage snapped hoarsely, breathing too hard to swallow.

Gray's head was to the side, resting against the pillow so he did not have to see the look of pain he knew would be on the Dragon Slayer's face. This was not Natsu's sin, but his own. He was the one who ran off and got married. His eyes slowly rolled up, glancing from under his lowered brow, and they gleamed darkly with tumultuous passions.

"I want you, Natsu," he whispered in a tremble of fear and desire. "Never in my life have I craved anything like I do now … and never before have I ever felt such…" He struggled to find the right word. "…disgrace."

Natsu's mouth dropped a little, ready to protest.

"You're free, you're wild, and I'm…" Regret stabbed at Gray's conscience. "I'm caged," he sighed, looking at that golden ring on his left hand. "I let myself be tied down. I don't have any right to escape that, no matter how much I might want freedom. It's too late for me. How can a domestic cat play with a tiger? What right does a pet songbird have to soar in the free sky?"

Natsu's face darkened to hear Gray's self-disgust. If Gray simply did not want to sully his honor, that was understandable, and Natsu was prepared to draw away from him once more. However, the desire—and the fear of that desire—that tortured Gray now irked the Dragon Slayer.

"I'll bust you out!" Natsu declared boldly.

Gray looked up in surprise and confusion. Bust him … out?

"I'll open the cage." Natsu took Gray's hand, tugged on the wedding ring, and pulled it to the tip of his finger. He hesitated there on the last knuckle and looked back into Gray's face. "Only if you want," he added softly.

Gray looked at the golden band that ensnared him like a collar and leash. That ring had been a shield to hide behind, like a coward, so he did not have to face the truth of his emotions. Yes, he loved Juvia deeply, but he loved someone else, too. Love, like hate, was just another emotion. Just as Gray could feel hate toward more than one person, he felt love for two people. He just wished that sort of dual love was okay. Juvia would hate him. Still, just once … just for tonight…

Slowly, battling conflicting emotions, he pulled his hand away, drawing back from that symbol of eternal fidelity. All a lie, now.

Natsu took the ring and placed it on the nightstand. It clinked against the wood, and Natsu made sure it was firmly down before pulling his hand back.

"Soar with me, Gray," he smiled, challenging him and urging him onward. "When you want your cage back, it's right there," he nodded to the golden band resting on the small table, "but just for tonight, be free with me." He caressed the face that had gone ashen with shock. "Don't be scared. The cage is waiting for you, but first … let me show you how to fly like a dragon!"

Gray stared, awestruck. After a few heart-stopping seconds, he laughed tensely, almost like someone who had gone suddenly insane. Yet the laugh was not of madness. It was pure relief! This was the first time in five years that he felt the heavy weight of domestic duty lift off his shoulders. It was such a liberating feeling, it made him laugh more.

Natsu smiled in relief to see Gray's face brighten again. Removing the wedding ring was a huge risk. It was also unfair, but Natsu no longer cared. He wanted Gray … so much! He was willing to ignore everything else just so he could indulge in this moment.

No more hesitancy!


	4. Taboo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A too-hot-for-your-parents song for this chapter is["Flesh" by Simon Curtis](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEfKooMunLI). It's not a song to listen to in public!_

Natsu watched Gray closely, searching worriedly for the slightest hint at him changing his mind again. His hand drifted up strong thighs, slowly spreading them and rubbing the soft skin. Gray's cheeks went pink, his mouth opened to breathe fast enough, and his eyes closed tightly. Natsu picked up the bottle of olive oil and drizzled just a little onto Gray's ass, letting it run between his fingers as well, slicking them as much as he could. Then he felt down around the tiny opening between Gray's thighs, rubbing it, trying to loosen it, as well as getting Gray used to the feel of something touching him down there.

"Here we go," he warned quietly.

Fast, to overcome the initial shock, Natsu thrust a finger in just to the second knuckle. Gray's body jolted, and his eyes went wide in surprise.

Belatedly, he moaned, "Owwww. Not … not what I thought it'd feel like," he admitted, flinching a little.

"You've never tried this?" asked Natsu.

Gray shook his head. "You?"

"No," he whispered. "Not with someone else, at least. Not ever."

"Never … as in not even with girls?" Gray looked truly shocked. "You're a virgin? At _your_ age?"

Natsu shrugged with a slightly embarrassed smile. "I knew I only wanted you. I'm not the sort to settle for _any love_. That's why it really pissed me off when you said that."

"I'm so sorry…"

"Don't even start," Natsu warned. "I'm too horny for remorse. Save it for later."

Gray laughed at that. "Fine. So are you gonna move or fall asleep on me, bastard?"

"I figured your fragile little ass needed time."

"Your finger feels so good, I want to feel _more_."

Natsu had expect more playful banter, so Gray's soft moan caught him completely by surprise.

Gray chuckled. "You're cute when you blush. Now move before I change my mind, pin you to the bed, and show you how it works!"

Natsu chuckled at that, and he pressed his finger in more. Gray hissed and turned his cheek to the pillow.

"Hey, you're tensing up. Don't. I can't move down here." Natsu wiggling his finger a little.

Gray gasped and jolted. "Gaah!" His eyes went wide, and his mouth hung open for a moment. "Oh God, whatever you just did, don't do it again."

"Hurt?"

"No, felt too good. I'll come too soon."

"We wouldn't want that," smirked the Dragon Slayer.

Natsu pulled out some, drizzled a little more oil onto the finger, then pushed it in again. Gray moaned loudly, not bothering to hold back. Natsu lived far away from anyone, and only a fool would be out in this rainstorm. They were wrapped up in a world all of their own.

"You're so tight, Gray," Natsu hummed, sniffing his musky skin as it began to sweat. "So wonderfully tight."

Between hard panting, Gray watched Natsu with lowered eyelids. He had wild daydreams about this moment, crazy fantasies of forbidden acts that he indulged in when he sat alone on hot days, imagining the heat was the Dragon Slayer's flaming body. Deep inside his heart, he had secretly thought of Natsu, imagined what his touches would feel like, his facial expressions, his low bedroom voice, all in a sinful dream that was shoved aside for cold reality.

This time, it was real. He felt the heat penetrating him. He felt the scorching finger going in deeper, deeper, thrusting a little more each time.

"More," Gray whispered hoarsely.

"More how?" asked Natsu.

"I dunno. Try two fingers, I guess."

Slowly, with Gray hissing, he worked it in. Gray's moans thrilled Natsu to no end. He did not care whether what they were doing was right or wrong. Natsu was willing to bear the sin for all eternity just for this moment. He would beg the heavens to shoulder Gray's sins, too, so he could continue being happy with the life he chose. For Natsu, this was all his soul needed. One night, one time together, one blessed moment to be with the man he loved.

He brushed his lips against Gray's and felt a cold moan fill his mouth. Natsu wanted to carve this memory into his heart forever, to record every sound and savor every taste. He had loved Gray for so long, yet he had buried his feelings deeply, denying himself any pleasure besides what he could give to himself. Now, being able to please another, Natsu felt a surreal detachment from the moment.

Watching Gray, knowing he was moaning so loudly because of him, was a dream come true!

Powerful longing rushed through Gray, shivering him to the core and burning him up inside. Each kiss was hungrier than the last, as if the Dragon Slayer had captured his prey and could hardly wait to devour him whole. He felt Natsu's chest press down on him with each heavy breath. The fingers moving inside had begun to grow bolder, twisting, curling, spreading, doing a sensual dance inside of him. This was a form of lovemaking Gray had never experienced before. In their five years of marriage, Juvia had never touched inside him like this, and Gray wondered if he never suggested it because, deep down inside, he wanted that to be a place reserved for Natsu.

"I'm an ass virgin, y'know."

Natsu's fingers went completely still. His hard breaths stopped as he stared in shock. Fumbling for words, he tried to recover. "Well, you did say you've never tried this."

"I meant it. Never. No one has ever touched me inside like this before … not even myself."

Natsu nodded, then moved his fingers again, although slower this time, being a little more considerate. "So, in a way, we're both still virgins."

Gray had to laugh at that. "I suppose, in a way."

Somehow, that made Natsu feel better. He was not stealing Gray's ass from Juvia, because she had never claimed it. "In that case … I dub thee Natsu's Dirty Playground." He gave Gray a smack on the rump.

Gray tensed up at the spank. "Asshole!"

"Yes, this is," Natsu smirked, giving him a few more playful thrusts. "But it's _my_ asshole. I'm claiming it."

He nibbled a line down Gray's throat, across his broad chest, then detoured over to the pink nipple again. His burning tongue licked round and around, then his lips grabbed it, pulling, sucking, teasing. Gray caught his breath at the sensation, and Natsu felt the sphincter muscles clench. When he felt the nub harden, Natsu grabbed it with his teeth and gently pulled over the tender flesh.

"Natsu … oh God … Natsu, that's _… nnngh_ , good. So good."

While stroking his fingers in and out, he leaned over and kissed Gray deeply. His longish pink hair draped down and tickled Gray's cheeks, while the stubble on his face enticed even more. He felt the ice mage shudder under him from his burning touches. Grunts and hums set a tempo to the cacophony of rainfall and the occasional cymbal crash of thunder outside. Natsu pulled away to gaze down in the wavering candlelight, feeling intoxicated by the face of the man he loved as he listened to Gray moaning his name.

He lowered his lips to Gray's ear and whispered, "Take it all in, Gray. Let me fill your void."

Hazy blue eyes peered up at him. "Then fill it already!"

Natsu smiled down at him. He gave a silent nod and gently withdrew his fingers. Gray hissed, then relaxed. Natsu gazed into Gray's eyes for a brief moment before raising himself up on his knees. He picked up the olive oil bottle again, and this time he dribbled so much on, the yellow oil dripped across the bed. Natsu did not really mind. He knew his sheets were going to be a mess soon anyway.

One at a time, the Dragon Slayer lifted Gray's legs, placing them on his muscled shoulders. Gray laid back in anticipation, gazing up with huge eyes. Natsu aligned himself and looked one last time at Gray. It was now or never.

"Are you sure? Are you really, truly sure?" Natsu looked utterly serious. "I won't ask again, and I'm not going to stop."

Gray chuckled slyly. "You better not stop, bastard!"

Natsu smirked at the challenging gleam in those gray-blue eyes. "Just thought I'd warn you," he teased.

His cock rubbed along the crack of Gray's ass, stroking and coaxing. He rocked up and down, trailing olive oil and pre-cum around Gray's virgin hole. Natsu tried to remind himself to be gentle, yet instinct told him to grab Gray and thrust in hard, fast, and rough. One hand moved to caress Gray's body, a distraction he knew was needed to keep the ice mage from tensing up. Then Natsu shifted himself and wedged his cock into the crease between Gray's ass cheeks. He held his eager arousal in his hand and directed it toward the starlike pucker. He wanted this to work right the first time, not poking around aimlessly. Quick, gentle, smooth … he had to make this feel like he knew what the hell he was doing.

Gray felt the cockhead press up against his ass, and he stiffened, unsure if he was ready for what would surely involve pain.

"It won't hurt for long," the Dragon Slayer assured him, swiveling the tip of his cock around Gray's entrance, slowly burrowing just the tip in. He saw Gray tense up at just that much. "Relax. You've put up with worse pain in fights."

"True enough," Gray realized.

He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and relaxed everything below the waist. For how nervous and tense he felt, Gray knew that for this to work, he had to be calm, accepting the pain, taking that heat into his body. He paused for a moment, making sure he was ready physically and mentally. Emotionally, his brain was screaming _Fuck me already!_ But mentally, he was a total chaotic mess. After what felt like an eternity, with that arousal poised to pierce, Gray gave the consenting nod.

Gently, Natsu pressing the head of his cock against Gray's sphincter. It was harder than he had imagined. He pressed and pressed, yet it did not just slip in like he had read in Erza's yaoi manga. He gripped himself again, and with a bit of force, he jabbed himself through the circle of muscles. Gray's whole body contracted at the sudden intrusion.

" _Dammit!_ " he bellowed.

"Sorry," Natsu grumbled, too overwhelmed to speak properly.

Gray tightly clenched the sheets at the initial pain and panted hotly. He grumbled profanities, but he never actually screamed. Natsu grabbed those powerful legs higher as he thrust in, no longer willing to wait. The olive oil slicked the passage as he felt himself squeeze into such a narrow space.

"So … damn … tight," Natsu gritted.

Finally, he paused, not even halfway in, but Natsu truly felt he could not go farther without hurting Gray. His heart pounded so hard, it drowned out the constant tapping of rain. Then he looked down. Under him, Gray's body was contorted, with his legs up on Natsu's shoulders and one arm over his flushed face. All Natsu could see was clenched teeth gritting in a rictus of pain.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked worriedly.

In the back of his mind was a harrowing thought. If he did this wrong, if he made this hurt, Gray would hate this moment. It would be nothing more than some mistake made in the heat of passion, a painful lesson to be learned and promptly forgotten, never spoken of again. Gray would never consider sex with a man as viable. He would certainly not look back on this night with tender thoughts and private smiles. Natsu felt the weight of responsibility, the _need_ to make this feel good.

Gray had known it would hurt. He could hardly help but remember the one time Juvia wanted to try it up the ass. She had sobbed in pain but claimed it felt better eventually. However, it was not something she wanted to try again. She was a woman who wanted instant pleasure, not eventual "sort of felt good."

He felt a hot hand caress his cheek and yank him away from those memories. He had not even realized that a tear slipped out. It was not just from the pain, though. That was slowly becoming bearable.

"Natsu," he said, his throat choked up. He sniffled to clear his nose.

The Dragon Slayer waited with dreading anticipation. _Please don't tell me it hurts too bad. Please don't tell me you don't want this. Please don't get mad and leave me._

The arm moved away from Gray's face, and Natsu was relieved to see a smile hidden underneath.

"You're not a virgin anymore, squinty-eyes."

Natsu blinked in surprise, and then he laughed. "Neither is your ass virgin anymore, droopy-eyes."

The sin had been committed, yet at that moment, neither one cared. It was a dark shame that only shaded the back of their thoughts, darkening this moment with a haze of taboo, making the actual deed sweet with sinfulness.

"Ready for more?" Natsu asked, trying to be considerate despite the lustful eagerness thrumming through his loins.

"Gimme your worst," Gray smirked with a challenge in his voice.

"Nope." Natsu leaned over to kiss Gray, and he rubbed that cold nose with the tip of his own. "I'm gonna give you my best."

With Gray's face struck in an expression of shock, Natsu thrust in more. Gray tensed in pain for only a moment, yet then remembered to relax. It was painful but bearable, and somewhere in the sparking pain was soft pleasure, comforting his mind like the touch of velvet. Gray looked up in awe at Natsu.

_He's … filling me. Hurts like hell, but he's inside me. Inside! God, I can feel his heat all the way in my belly. It's like he's ripping me apart, but it feels … so … damn … good!_

Gray moaned as Natsu slowly pulled out. Then, a little firmer, he thrust in. The gliding cock against his prostate sent shivers up from his ass, right into his tailbone, up his spine, and exploded in his brain.

Natsu reached over to the olive oil to add just a little more closer to the root of his cock. He wanted to be able to press completely inside. He pulled out and rubbed the oil around. Gripping Gray's hips for support, he thrust in hard, completely, until his balls smashed against the crack in Gray's ass.

"Holy … gaaaah!" Gray cried out, shuddering at the feel. "So frigging big."

"Thank you," Natsu smiled wryly.

"Shut up!" snapped Gray.

Need and desire raged out of control like an inferno born from an innocent candle. With every thrust, their breaths came in sync, their hearts beat together, their bodies united as one, thrusting deeper and deeper.

"Ugh … ahhn … unf … nnnngh!"

Natsu's heart raced when he saw the expressions on Gray's face as he made love to him. Such passion, wild abandon, the erotic grunts … Natsu would always keep it in his memory. He thrust into Gray more and more, filling that void, until their hearts and souls became one.

"You're sucking me in, Gray. Your body must really have been craving this. Mine, too," he admitted. "I've been craving you … for so long. Oh God, Gray."

"N-Natsu!" Gray cried out.

"Don't come yet," Natsu said, trying to slow down. He grabbed Gray's cock and held the base tightly.

"No, please!"

"Not yet," Natsu smiled, leaning over and giving him a devious kiss.

He grabbed Gray, and with a swift yet slightly awkward spin, Natsu flipped their positions. Gray was now on top, sitting on Natsu's groin, still pierced, and Natsu laid on the pillow, gazing up with fascination.

"Ride me, Gray."

Gray was stunned. Although he was used to being on top, this was completely different. It was a type of lovemaking he had never experienced, and it made him a little nervous. Slowly, testing it out, he lowered himself more onto Natsu.

"Oh God!" he shuddered.

In this position, the cock could slide in deeper. Once again, Gray realized that Juvia loved riding on top. He let her most of the time. She liked being in control, and she liked the depth of penetration. Gray now fully understood why she preferred the cowgirl position.

He put his hands on each side of Natsu's head, bracing himself. Leaned over like this, he looked straight down into Natsu's amused face. That smile was beginning to irk him. Gray wanted to see Natsu make the same embarrassing expressions as he knew he was making.

He leaned over and kissed the side of Natsu's neck, right over the scar. He felt Natsu's hips thrust up at that. He licked there again, following the ragged scar.

"Gray," Natsu moaned as his body trembled.

He looked at the Dragon Slayer's face. Yes _… that_ was the expression he wanted. "Your scarf will hide this," he mumbled. Then Gray leaned over and sucked his lips onto Natsu's neck.

Natsu cried out and shuddered. _Me? Being marked?_

Gray raised up and admired the blood raised to the surface. That mark would last beyond this night. It was not permanent, but it would still be a brief and pleasant reminder.

"You're mine now, Natsu," Gray said in soft, velvety words. "Even if it's brief, like this mark," and his fingers brushed lightly over the sensitive spot, making Natsu buck upward, "you're mine for now."

Gray raised his hips, then sensually slid down the shaft, smirking as he watched Natsu reacting stronger now, tensing at the sensation, rather than stoically watching. Now it was Gray with the smug glint in his eyes, giving Natsu the pleasure he craved.

Suddenly, Gray sat back harder, thrusting forcefully down. His legs, which had been tucked to the sides, slid upward and shoved Natsu's arms up, capturing the Dragon Slayer's wrists with his feet and pinning them to the headboard. Natsu's eyes widened, shocked at Gray taking so much control over him. It was way more erotic than he could have ever imagined!

Gray smiled at his trapped dragon. Natsu was just a virgin, after all. He had no idea how much fun sex could be, and all the alternatives available between two people in love. Then Gray placed his hands on Natsu's thighs and leaned backward slightly. He moaned loudly as the new position shifted inside him. Slowly, using his arms as leverage, Gray swiveled around with his hips, grinding deeper. He teased Natsu with circular and side-to-side motions rather than plain up-and-down.

"Gray!" came a desperate hiss. Natsu tried to reach forward, wanting to touch that cock that now danced erotically in front of him, but Gray's feet kept him pinned.

"Do you like to feel me ride you, Natsu? I have to admit…" He stopped his boast before saying it.

"Admit what?" Natsu moaned, too wrapped up in the moment to see Gray's troubled face.

Gray had wanted to say _I'm more used to being on top._ However, this was not the moment to bring up that. Any mention about his married life would only ruin the moment. There was something else he wanted to say, though.

"I have to admit…" he said softer, shifted gears in his tone. He released Natsu's hands, pushed himself up from his reclined crouch, and twisted back over so he could look straight down into Natsu's face. "…I wish we could have a second chance at this. I want to feel inside you, as well."

Natsu looked a little confused by that. "Are you saying you wanna switch positions? Right now? I mean, I'm okay with that, but I'm seriously ready to come."

Gray chuckled at that bit of crudeness that was so like Natsu. "No, I want to give you what you want tonight. I want to feel you in my ass. I just … I wish … maybe we could do this again. Later."

"I'm fine with that," Natsu shrugged.

Gray looked aside angrily. Of course he was fine with that! He wasn't the one who had to go home to a wife. A wife who wanted to start a family!

Natsu reached up and stroked that tortured face. "Gray, if you ever want this again…"

"I _will_ want it again," he snapped. "I already do. But I'm not sure if I _can_. I'm not sure if I _should_."

"I know," Natsu said in understanding.

"No, you don't!" he yelled. Gray looked aside with frustration. "Goddammit, I didn't want to ruin the mood."

"You're not," Natsu smiled. "Hearing you say you want this again … it's the biggest turn-on all evening! I'm not pressuring you. I'm just saying, if you're ever caught in the rain again, or maybe … maybe if you want to take a mission together for old time's sake…"

"Let's not think of the future," Gray warned. "If we speak more on this, I'll only tear myself up inside. Right now, the only thing that should be doing _that_ is your cock." To drive home that point, Gray slammed harder down, thrusting those wishes and pleasant fantasies aside. "Role back over. I want you to fuck me, Natsu. Hard! As rough as you can."

Natsu's brow looked a bit troubled, but he nodded.

They rolled back over, and Gray looked up at the Dragon Slayer.

"Yeah, like this," Gray whispered. It was different enough to keep him in the moment, not thinking about that caging world outside this warm little home.

"Rough?" Natsu asked, looking dangerous now.

Gray swallowed, then nodded. "Make it hurt for a week. Mark me inside." He caressed the hickey again. "You'll see this and remember me. I want to _feel_ this … and remember you!"

Natsu smirked playfully. He had been holding back, wanting this to last as long as possible, but if Gray wanted it rough … he could definitely do that!

With no warning at all, Natsu's hips thrust hard, fast, and incessantly. Gray gasped, and then choked out a wanton cry. His hands grasped at Natsu's shoulders, digging in. He wanted to mark the Dragon Slayer once more, so he scratched hard and deep. Natsu felt tearing at the skin and roared at the sweet pain.

"More, Gray! Scratch me more."

"You've got a little masochistic streak, eh?" the Ice-Make mage chuckled. "You'd love bottoming. I could make you really hurt, you know."

"I want that, too," Natsu moaned, pounding hard. "Want … all of you. Top, bottom, stroking each other, sucking one another off … everything! Every … thing! _Nnnngh!_ "

Gray let himself indulge for just a moment. Him and Natsu, living in this house together, making love in every position, in every location. In the shower, in the kitchen, on the couch … everywhere. Laughing together. Eating together. Sleeping together. Waking up and arguing about who had to cook breakfast that morning.

It was a bittersweet fantasy.

"I'll make sure you remember this night," Gray said, and he scratched at Natsu's hips, yanking him forward harder while his nails bit into the skin. Bloody welts came to the surface.

"Gaaah! Gray!"

"I love hearing you yell my name," Gray purred. "Roar for me, dragon."

Natsu felt like his own fire might consume him. Everything was hot, burning, scalding him. His chest burned from the frantic breaths huffing out of his lungs. His thighs burned from using his legs and hips to thrust in deliciously fast. He felt like a phoenix being reborn in his own flames.

Sorrow. Happiness. Regret. Satisfaction. Pain. Pleasure. This was a night for everything.

And right now, his _everything_ was Gray.

_Gray…_

Nothing else mattered. In that moment, in that second, Gray was his world, his reality … his everything!

And he wanted to give everything to the man he loved.

It was a rush, like a cleansing purge, flushing out the passion, the desire, and the lust, coveting a married man. All those sinful cravings gushed forth, as if this was the only way to show Gray everything he had desired and suffered for far too many years.

The seed that shot into Gray was so hot, it made the ice mage cry out. He could feel that thick fluid coating him, filling that dark passage with heat, and some dripped out, making Gray's thighs sticky. He closed his eyes, riding the feeling, the surge, carried over and above it.

It truly, honestly, was like soaring freely in the sky.

At the sensation, Gray lost his control. As he came, his mind whited out, like a blizzard had swallowed them both up, trapped in this storm of sensuality and passion.

A snowflake and a dragon … who would have thought!

They stayed motionless for what felt like an hour, holding one another, Natsu's head buried into Gray's shoulder, Gray's body flopped in exhaustion. Neither wanted to move, knowing that when they did, the magic spell would be broken, and real life laid beyond.

"Best … fuck … ever," Natsu finally groaned.

Gray had to laugh at that. "How would you know?"

"Better than my own hand."

"Hell, anything is better than those callused fingers of yours."

"Still…" Natsu raised his head and rubbed Gray's nose with his own. "Best fuck ever!"

Gray blushed a little. "Yeah … for me, too." His eyes drifted aside in regrets.

Natsu pouted a little. Was the moment over already. "Your cage?"

"No!" he said fast and roughly. "Not yet. I don't want to. Not yet." He sounded panicky, and he looked up with a feeling of desperation. "Can I stay the night?"

Natsu smiled in relief, and he caressed Gray's flushed cheeks. "I did offer you dinner." He leaned over and kissed him, then smirked down into that pale face. "Besides, you're quite a mess."

Natsu dragged a finger through the splattered cum on Gray's chest, and then he put it in his mouth. Although his face was set for an erotic glint, his mouth twisted up bitterly instead.

"Yuck! Cum tastes really nasty."

"Idiot. You really know how to ruin a good mood."

"No, seriously! Have you ever tasted cum?"

Gray flushed. "Obviously not!"

"It's gross. Here, taste." He dipped his finger in again and shoved it at Gray's lips.

"Bastard! I don't wanna taste my own cum."

"Really, taste it."

"Stop screwing around, squinty-eyes!"

They tackled one another, rolling around on the bed playfully and making an even worse mess. Then Gray captured Natsu under him and pinned him down, grinning victoriously. They froze for a moment, the heavy panting stopped, and their smiles wavered on their faces.

"I hope morning never comes," Gray whispered.

"Me, too," Natsu confessed. "Wanna shower?"

"If your power is off, won't the water be cold?"

"Idiot! Who do you think I am?" Natsu smirked smugly.

Gray chuckled as he realized he had a point. Life would never be cold with Natsu.

He just wished his life could always be with Natsu.


	5. Dessert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I was listening to["Final Distance" by Utada Hikaru](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6Y6CsnFw44&feature=kp) and ["If Only For One Night" by Luther Vandross](http://youtu.be/swmzNV-p6T4) while writing this._

Gray started up the shower as Natsu went around lighting candles to brighten the bathroom. Their wavering glow made shadows dance on the walls, like a warm, slow waltz for lovers.

Then Natsu walked over to the shower. Gray was frowning, unable to get any heat to the water with there being no power in the house. Being an ice mage, he did not mind cold showers, but he was worried about Natsu. The guy was weak against anything cold.

"I told you, don't worry." Natsu reached up and grabbed the main pipe. A little heat from his hand instantly turned the ice cold shower into a hot summer rain.

"Hah, nice trick," Gray chuckled as they stepped in together, "but you'll have to hold the pipe the whole time."

"Yeah." Natsu stood in the shower, the water dripping over him, one hand trapped from holding onto the pipe, and he gazed imperiously at Gray. "So wash me," he ordered.

Gray eyed that toned body and the serpentine rivulets of water trickling through the vales of sculpted muscles. He was amazed at how much Natsu had changed over the years. He had always been muscular, but now he was just a little broader, a little taller. Such small changes made a drastic difference.

Or maybe it was just him.

Gray took a sponge from the side, soaped it up, and began to rub it over Natsu's body, starting with his neck, over the shoulders, and down his chest. He went up the arm holding the pipe, carefully washing it all the way up to the wrist. Then the sponge went to the other arm. Gray took his time, carefully cleaning every bit of skin, from the armpit, down to his elbow, to his hands, caressing the soap over the knuckles and palm. He used his hands to stroke the soap between the webbings of each finger, rubbing them erotically.

Natsu stood there, watching, simply gazing at Gray, how wonderful he was, how sexy he looked as the water made his black hair drip down into his face.

_This is so much like a dream._

It truly did not feel real, and he was afraid that at any minute, an alarm clock would go off or someone would knock on the door, and he would jolt awake. Then it really would be nothing but another hopeless fantasy.

Gray knelt down, cleaning Natsu's abdomen, his hips, and down his thighs, avoiding that one spot. He scrubbed down to the knees, rubbing soapy circles over the calves, and gently lifted Natsu's foot. Gray popped out his own leg, kneeling as if proposing, and rested Natsu's foot on his bent knee. He ran the sponge over the feet and underneath to the rough pads of the toes. He set the sponge aside for a moment and used his thumbs, giving Natsu a soapy foot massage.

Natsu hummed sensually. It felt amazing! He was unsure if anyone had ever given him a foot rub before. Gray's hands were not as cold as they probably normally were, not after so much touching and the hot water beating down. Still, the slight chill running over his feet, up the arch and over toes, felt simply amazing.

Then Gray set that foot down, lifted the other one, and set it on his knee. He gave the same attention with the sponge, and then used his hands to give Natsu a light massage.

"God, I could get spoiled by this," Natsu groaned.

Gray chuckled as he used a little more pressure while rubbing up the tendon that formed Natsu's foot arch. "Do you like it?"

"Yeaaah," Natsu moaned. He was about to ask something, but he knew he shouldn't. Still, in the back of his mind, he could hardly help it.

Was this something Gray did to Juvia?

He wanted to cry just thinking about it. As he looked down, he wanted Gray all to himself. He wanted to be greedy, just once. Yet sadly he knew, when morning came, his ice mage would be gone like a snowflake in the sun.

Natsu did not want that, but there was no way to stop it. It was their fate. They had picked their lives, made their decisions, and now they had to live with it.

"Gray?"

The raven-haired man hummed.

Natsu wanted—so much—to tell him, _Stay with me. Don't go back!_

Yet he could not say it. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right! All he could do was run his hands through Gray's hair and think sadly how much he regretted keeping quiet all those years when all he had to do was open his mouth and he could have had _this_.

Exactly this!

Gray looked up. He saw the wistfulness in Natsu's eyes, and he could guess. Gray was trying so hard not to think about it, but it was true. He cleaned Juvia's feet just like this when they showered together. Maybe he had even learned from her about giving a light foot massage while bathing, a treat to his beloved wife.

He did not want to think about it now, though.

Instead, he focused on something Juvia most definitely did _not_ have.

He soaped up his hands and reached up to Natsu's groin. Oh, Gray could have played with him, most definitely! Instead, he was gentle. He cupped the balls, just rubbing the soap around, then carefully stroked up the limp penis, gingerly washing it. He heard a hum from Natsu. He was sure it felt really good, but he honestly was not trying to make it erotic, and Natsu was not hardening up. He was just cleaning, tending carefully to him.

"G-Gray…"

He looked up at the tense voice. Natsu's hair was so much longer now, a few strands of gray in it, not much, but enough to make it shine in the right light. Those long, pink strands hung down as Natsu looked at him. The dragon slayer was flushed, and Gray could hardly help but think how cute he looked this way.

Suddenly, Natsu reached down and took Gray's chin. He lifted the ice mage up and stared at Gray for a silent, tense moment. Something like that, cleaning that area, was just so sweet. It was something _lovers_ did. Not two people out for a quick fling, but real lovers.

It was everything Natsu wanted.

He wanted to be lovers.

"I love you," he declared.

Gray looked mildly startled, but then he smiled. He could see so much emotion in Natsu's expressive eyes, so many untold regrets and silent desires. Gray leaned forward and kissed those trembling lips, calming them, soothing Natsu's heart.

Natsu wrapped his arm around Gray, pulling him closer. He felt their groins press together. He was still tired, but he almost felt he could get hard again, especially with Gray around.

He kissed Gray more and eased his tongue out, licking slowly, savoring the taste. His free hand rubbed up and down Gray's body, so wet and slippery. Despite the hot water, he still had a slight chill to the skin that probably would never go away, no matter how much Natsu heated him up.

He wanted this feeling.

He wanted this smell. The smell of snowy forests and mint, like a celebration in winter.

He _wanted_ this!

Yet he knew—son of a dragon he might be—this was one treasure he could not horde.

Still, he wanted to possess Gray … just for now. He grabbed Gray with both hands, yanked him closer, and pressed Gray up against the shower wall. He was getting aroused, and he thrust up against that chilly groin.

He just wanted him. It didn't even have to be about sex. He just wanted Gray!

Gray's hands slid over Natsu's back and down to the rump. He grabbed those muscular globes in a possessive grope and yanked Natsu up against him. He did not want to belong to anyone else but this man, this fiery fiend that had burned down all his walls and exposed a tiny flame in his heart that had always burned for the Fire Dragon Slayer.

They kissed passionately for less than a minute before Natsu suddenly jumped back.

"Ahhhh, it's cold! Cold, cold, cold!"

He reached up to the pipe and applied heat again. Gray leaned back against the tiled wall, laughing at the idiot Dragon Slayer.

Yet this was an idiot he loved.

Gray gazed over Natsu's body. "Turn off the water."

"Huh?" he asked in surprise.

"Just turn it off." He reached past Natsu and twisted the faucet knob. "There."

"But you're not cleaned."

"I know." This time, it was Gray who pressed Natsu up against the wall. His eyes narrowed as he gazed hungrily at those shocked, green eyes. "I have a feeling I'm about to get dirty again."

Natsu eyes widened more. Gray dropped to his knees. He had just been down here, yet so much had changed. Natsu was definitely getting hard, ready for a second go. Gray rubbed up the turgid shaft. Just a small, meaningful touch was enough for Gray to feel a surge as Natsu stiffened.

"G-Gray! No, stand up."

Gray felt a little hurt. He had planned to suck Natsu off. Was he too tired? He rose back to his feet with a petulant pull on his lips. Natsu reached down and grabbed Gray. The ice mage hardly even realized that he had gotten hard as well.

"Like this." Natsu stroked him. "Touch me. Equals this time. I wanna touch you while you're touching me, okay?"

Gray stroked slowly, and Natsu followed the lazy speed, just touching each other. He leaned forward, and they kissed softly, letting their lips linger together. Then Gray leaned back and gazed up.

"I'm really getting annoyed about you being taller than me."

It made Natsu laugh a little. Leaning against the wet wall, he slunk down a bit. "Is this better?" he asked mockingly.

"Idiot," Gray grumbled. "That's how short you were when you were thirteen."

Natsu stood to full height again. "Is it so bad, me being taller than you?"

"No. Little crick in the neck, maybe."

Natsu hummed, and his free hand drifted up to Gray's neck and shoulder. "You gave me a massage. Maybe I should repay the favor."

"Do you even know how?"

"Well, Happy has massaged my back before, although his claws hurt a bit."

Gray laughed as he tried to imagine it. "Yeah, uh … I don't think I want a _cat massage_."

"Then how about just this?"

His thumb dug into Gray's neck, rubbing out the stiffness. Gray moaned wantonly, and the sound shot straight down Natsu's spine, shivering the whole way.

"I'll use my hands," Natsu said softly. Then he leaned forward and kissed Gray's neck. "My mouth," he whispered against the shivering skin. He licked up Gray's pulse and to his ear, hissing a fervent moan, "My tongue."

Gray's hips instinctively pressed up against Natsu's warmth. "That's not a massage anymore, idiot."

"Who cares!"

Natsu kissed him roughly, and Gray returned it with just as much strength. Their wrists began to speed up. They heard the wet friction of their fingers as shower droplets and leaking pre-cum moistened their skin. Their low groans echoed through the bathroom. Every gasp, every grunt, every soft sigh amplified in the shower. Their heavy panting as they brought each other closer sounded so loud.

"Gray…"

That low voice brought up his attention. "Natsu." He leaned in closer. "You feel so hot in my hand. So good!"

Natsu's eyes widened. What the hell was he saying?

"Did you like earlier? Did it feel good?"

Natsu gasped softly at the ice mage's salacious voice, so low and sensual. "Y-yes," he croaked out. God, Gray's voice was rousing all by itself.

"Did you like being inside my body?"

Natsu tensed up and groaned. "Yes!"

Gray nipped Natsu's neck and whispered into his ear. "Would you want to feel that?"

Natsu peeked an eye open in confusion. "Feel what?"

Gray gazed right up at him, their noses almost touching. "Would you want to feel what it's like to have me inside you?" Gray's hand slipped down, and his finger tickled the rim of Natsu's hole.

"Oh!" Natsu cried out, and his voice almost cracked. After breathing through the choking lust, he gazed firmly back at Gray and replied with no uncertainty, "Yes. I want that, too. I want everything. I want you to do _… everything_ to me."

Gray smirked smugly. His hand was still just wet enough. He began to press a finger inside, slowly easing into that hot body. Down in his other hand, he felt a definite surge as Natsu groaned loudly. His entire body began to heat up, inside and out.

Natsu began to pant harder, and his hips thrust instinctively into Gray's hand. Gray gave long strokes to the curved shaft and gentle thrusts from his finger inside.

"I want to do this to you someday, Natsu."

God, he wanted that, too!

"I want to claim you."

He _wanted_ it! Yet he knew it would never happen. Gray _couldn't_ claim him. Nor could Natsu claim Gray. It wasn't allowed, because Gray already belonged to someone else. Neither had a right to fully claim the other.

He still wanted to. So badly!

Gray stopped stroking, making Natsu whimper in protest. He wanted to feel more. So much more! Natsu opened his eyes, ready to complain, when he saw the gleam in those stormy blue eyes.

"I want to mark you more, Natsu."

Gray's hand slid up Natsu's dripping chest. Like the claws of some predatory bird, he slowly scratched down the skin. Five red marks were left behind, scratched deep into the skin. They did not bleed, but they left behind angry lines on Natsu's bronze flesh.

"I wanna mark you. Heh, a dragon being marked!" he hummed in amusement, gazing at those scratches.

Natsu could not even speak. It was so hot, seeing Gray being possessive like this, showing with no doubts how much he craved Natsu. He really felt desperate and worried now.

_Dear God, please don't let this be a dream!_

Gray leaned over and kissed each of those five scratches. Then he leaned down and licked across Natsu's nipple, running his tongue around, before taking it into his mouth. Natsu's hips thrust forward.

_Teasing me? Screw this!_

He grabbed Gray's arousal as well as his own, rubbing the two together while Gray's fingers kept scratching Natsu's skin: his back, his chest, his shoulders, down his arms, up his thighs. Gray dug his nails in, clutching possessively, leaving moon-shaped marks pressed deep into the skin, or sometimes just clawing at him. His mouth moved up and latched onto Natsu's collarbone, sucking on it, nipping the skin. Then he went higher to the neck, sucking there, leaving red and purple marks everywhere. Any bit of skin he could bite, scratch, suck, anything … he wanted to claim Natsu's whole body.

He wanted this man!

Natsu couldn't mark him, but Gray was definitely going to leave his mark on Natsu.

"Gr-Gray … I'm close."

Gray added a second finger into Natsu's ass. Then he reached down, and their fingers clasped together as they both touched each other, stroking together, rubbing their cocks and frotting with passion as the mix of hot and cold swirled them both closer to the brink.

Natsu's face drew up. He was trying so hard to hold back. He wanted to keep experiencing this with Gray until they came at the same time. That rarely happens, though, especially between two people who are unfamiliar with one another and cannot read each other's bodies with practiced ease.

"Nnngh … ah … ahhhhh … G-Gray!"

It was all he could choke out before the tension snapped and he came with a hot moan, spilling over Gray's hands, slathering the ice mage's still-eager cock.

Gray let go of himself and slowly, carefully, milked Natsu, feeling the hot liquid on his hands, the musky funk of sex, and the slow thrust of the Dragon Slayer's hips as he pressed out the last of that wonderful feeling that enveloped his body. Natsu leaned his head down into Gray's shoulder, panting hard, inhaling the scent of arousal in that cold, sweaty skin, and groaning softly as the pleasure overwhelmed him.

"Gray," he whispered in exhaustion as his body shuddered with ecstasy. He wanted to declare how good it felt, how wonderful this night was, how happy he felt to have Gray with him, if only for one night. However, his weary body refused to give the effort to speak, and his brain could not focus on anything besides the warm, shimmering bliss of this moment.

Gray felt the hot puffs of air on his shoulder. He nuzzled the wet, pink hair and kissed Natsu's scalp. The Dragon Slayer rolled his head over, still too tired to rise up; still, he looked up at Gray and gave him a languid smile. Truly, this was a sight Gray had wanted to see for years. Finally getting to see Natsu's orgasmic bliss was a dream come true. He wanted the Dragon Slayer's sated expression to burn into his memory.

As soon as he recovered, Natsu grabbed Gray in a carnal embrace, spun them around, and thrust Gray hard against the tiles. He instantly dropped to his knees. His semen was all over Gray's arousal, but Natsu rather liked that. It was his smell, his fluid. As Natsu took Gray into his mouth, it was his own taste—bitter though it was—mixed with the pre-cum flavor of Gray. This was his way to mark Gray. It was his only way: mark him with smells.

His smell. His semen.

His hands still had the viscous pale white fluid, and he rubbed it up Gray's thighs and stomach, rubbing his seed, his smell, all over Gray's body. Gray felt it and looked down as Natsu marked him, slathering him with cum.

God, that was hot! Just thinking about that, about being washed in Natsu's own ejaculate, and that hot mouth on him, sucking on him, those firm lips and fiery tongue…

He wanted to mark Natsu one last way. Natsu had marked Gray deep inside, filling his ass. So Gray would mark Natsu inside, too. Down the throat!

"I'm gonna come," he warned urgently.

Natsu hummed and nodded his head. He wanted this, the taste of Gray!

He kept sucking, bobbing his head up and down. Gray tensed up. His fingers dug into Natsu's shoulders, clawing even deeper. Natsu felt one nail actually break skin. He groaned loudly, almost a shout, but he did not dare want to tell Gray to let go. Just a little scratch in the skin, a little cut, to truly mark him. Although he felt blood dripping down his back, Natsu did not care. He wanted that mark, physical proof, a scab—with any luck, a scar—a mark that Gray had really been here, it was not a dream, they had really done all this, they had truly known love for at least one night.

Gray gasped and grunted out a cry. "N-Natsu!"

That was all the warning Gray could give before exploding, utterly overwhelmed. He felt Natsu's throat working, swallowing him down. It felt _… so good_ , knowing a part of him would remain here, inside Natsu.

Slowly, Natsu pulled back, lapping up anything left. He kissed Gray's thigh, then his hip, giving a slight nip, not enough to show on the skin, but just a little mark he could pass off as a bug bite.

He wearily rose back to his feet and gazed at Gray. What an amazing man, truly! He didn't want to let go.

"We'll have to wash each other again," Natsu pointed out.

Gray laughed wearily, resting his head against the tiles in post-coital happiness. "I guess so. And after I gave you such a nice shower."

Natsu hummed and swallowed down more of Gray's lingering taste. "You'll just have to do it again, including the foot massage."

"Hah! You don't get a second massage."

"Hey, I liked the foot massage."

"Yeah, well, you don't get it," Gray insisted stubbornly.

Natsu chuckled in amusement that they could still banter, just like usual, yet over things so sensual. "Maybe I should wash you in ice cold water." Natsu stood behind the shower head and turned the water on. The freezing water shot out onto Gray.

The ice mage just stood there, glaring at him. "Really?" he asked mockingly. "Do you really think a cold shower bugs me?" He splashed the water at Natsu, who cried out and jumped away.

"Fine!" Natsu reached up to the pipe, and with even more heat, the water suddenly turned scalding.

Gray jumped back, shouting and trying to knock the burning water off of him. "You idiot! I could get seriously blistered."

Natsu laughed and adjusted the water to a normal temperature. He pulled Gray back to him and gave Gray a sensual kiss under the shower, with the water dripping over their heads, moistening their mouths as they lapped at one another with hungry, adventurous tongues. Gray could taste himself in Natsu's mouth. That bitter taste let him know he had marked this wild dragon.

"Just showering this time," Natsu suggested.

Gray nodded breathlessly. "Y-yeah…"

"Are you okay?"

Gray just laughed, overwhelmed with happiness. "That was a nice dessert."

Natsu nuzzled him as he chuckled softly. "Maybe we can have dinner now."

"Heh … yeah, I guess we should actually eat. I'm pretty hungry after all this."

Natsu hummed in agreement. "Me too. I built up a good appetite. Let's wash up for real this time."

"Hmmm … yeah."

Gray took the sponge and was about to just clean himself, but Natsu took the sponge away.

"Nu-uh. You washed me. The least I can do is wash you back. But…" Natsu let go of the pipe. "…you get a cold shower, you horny ice bastard."

Gray taunted back, "If you can handle it, flame-brain."

"Who do you think I am?"

All of a sudden, the icy water turned into steam before it could even touch Natsu's skin.

"That's cheating!"

"No it's not."

Natsu was not quite as graceful washing someone else. He had never done it before. Still, he tried to wash Gray. Maybe he was not as thorough, but as Gray felt the heat in his hands—quite hot to keep that cold water off of him—all the steam created a halo around Natsu's head. It was like having his own pink-haired angel.

Gray ran his fingers through Natsu's hair. He tried to spike it up like how he used to style it when they were kids, but the long hair always flopped back down. As he looked at Natsu's face, he could still see that wild teenager: mischievous, playful, rambunctious, a total flame-brain.

He was glad he had grown up with Natsu. They might have been rival all their lives, but they were friends, too.

They were nakama. That was all that mattered.


	6. Domestication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Many songs helped me in writing this chapter, but ones I played on repeat were Adele's["Make You Feel My Love"](http://youtu.be/0put0_a--Ng) and Aerosmith's ["I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing."](http://youtu.be/JkK8g6FMEXE)_

Natsu fixed dinner, and Gray sat at a table the Dragon Slayer had quickly dusted off. They were quiet as they ate. Neither really knew what to say. Talking about the guild would be awkward. Gray had been away on this past mission for so long, he hardly knew what was going on. Besides, whenever he tried to think of Fairy Tail, a certain blue-haired woman always managed to pop into his head. Guilt pained him. He looked up at Natsu and wondered if he would wake up tomorrow and regret all of this.

He hoped not. Even though it was a break in his marriage vows, it was a night he had always wanted. If only it had happened twelve years ago. He preferred to imagine that they were young and crazy again, not thirty with adult responsibilities. Besides, Natsu's cerise stubble and longish hair made it obvious that they were not the same people as back then. Natsu truly had grown up, matured into a masculine figure, a powerful mage, respected although notorious for all the wrong reasons. Seeing that face reminded Gray that they were not carefree teenagers anymore. He was a married man.

Still … what if!

What if they got into a relationship back during that time? It would have rocked the wizard world. Fire and ice!

They would have dated, probably fought a lot as a couple. Maybe the team would have stayed together, and maybe Lucy would have remained full-time at Fairy Tail. She still bore the pink mark on her hand, but these days that hand held writing pens more than her gold and silver keys, busy as one of the most popular columnists for _Sorcerer Magazine_. Even if the team broke apart, he and Gray would have stayed with it, with Happy keeping them laughing on long trips. The three of them would have gone on missions together and stayed at inns. They would have gone out on dates, snuggled in the corner of the guild hall, and shared a picnic blanket together for the rainbow sakura festival. They might have even married one day.

Gray's gaze drifted off as he thought about that. Being husbands together, living every day like this! They probably would have moved into this house, since Natsu owned it, rather than Gray's apartment. He would have eaten at this table every day, read books by the fireplace in the evening, and slept in Natsu's bed, with that fiery body holding him.

It was a sweet thought. Bittersweet, as he realized that his own fear of rejection was what led them down separate paths. He loved Juvia, but he had fallen in love with Natsu first. He should have at least said something before it was too late.

"If I had said something back then," he whispered, breaking the tense silence, "would you have laughed at me?"

Natsu looked up from his plate and gulped down his food. "If I was the one who suddenly confessed to you, would you have slammed me down out of a sense of pride?"

Gray thought about that seriously. "I guess it depends on the timing. There were a few years where I was a real idiot. I was ashamed of how I felt. I thought we had to be rivals. Even the idea of being best-buddies was bizarre. I'm not sure when that changed."

"I don't think I would have turned you down," Natsu admitted. "Well, I mean, maybe when we were fifteen. I kinda hated you then." He laughed lightly. "But later, things changed. We changed, and so did the world around us. We went through some crappy times."

"Tenrou Island," Gray muttered. "Losing all those years."

"And don't forget Tartarus."

Gray gave a shiver. That was definitely something that still gave him nightmares. "We changed a lot after that."

Natsu nodded solemnly.

Gray's eyes turned up into Natsu's face. "I still wish I had said something to you."

Natsu reached across the table and took Gray's hand. "Me too. I'm glad we finally did."

Gray nodded, but his brow tightened. Sure, they finally confessed … but too late. In the morning, he had to go back home to his wife, a woman he loved, but a woman who now held back old desires. He wasn't about to hurt Juvia, but that meant tearing his own heart in half.

This thing with Natsu had to be a one-night stand. It could not be allowed to grow into anything more.

With that bitter understanding, Gray decided to make the best of this one night of fantasy. He held the fingers resting on top of his hand, brought up Natsu's knuckles, and kissed them gallantly. Natsu's eyes widened, and he blushed at the romantic gesture.

"You're a pretty good cook," Gray complimented.

Natsu's mouth dropped, and then he looked away bashfully. He stuttered for words but found none. Gray thought he looked adorable, embarrassed like this. He wondered if anyone besides Happy had ever complimented Natsu on his cooking.

"Natsu?"

The flustered Dragon Slayer looked up.

"Let me be your husband for one night."

Natsu's jaw fell, and he felt his heart racing. His … husband? It was like Gray was proposing marriage, just one night of wedded bliss.

If he had spoken up, if he had shouted out his feelings to Gray before he got serious with Juvia, maybe that sort of life could have happened. Instead, Natsu held back, and twelve years of loneliness were all he got.

Choked up by emotions, Natsu could only nod in acceptance. That was enough, and Gray smiled tenderly.

Somewhere deep inside, Natsu knew Gray was already someone's husband, and that pained him. He was thoroughly stealing Gray from Juvia, and it made his stomach twist with guilt. Still, this was something he wanted, and when a dragon wanted to horde something, they just took it.

"But I'm not your wife!" Natsu insisted sternly.

Gray shook his head, and it looked like that word stabbed at him. He had a wife. This … this was different.

"My husband," he corrected.

Although Natsu was plagued by guilt, he saw a gleam of happiness in Gray's eyes. It was like he could cast aside chains, and the freedom was both thrilling and terrifying.

"Gray…" Natsu caressed the cold cheek, letting him know that, for tonight, Gray could soar freely with a dragon.

At the same time, they leaned forward across the table, brushing against plates of food, and kissed. Gray tasted the fiery flavor along with the savoriness of the food. Natsu could hardly restrain himself as the smell of wintry woods blended with the aroma of the dinner below them. Their tongues slowly lapped at these tastes, and Natsu moaned as his senses were overwhelmed.

Then Natsu suddenly knocked over his cup, and tea spilled all over the table. They both backed away and laughed as they saw the mess. Natsu got a towel to clean up, and Gray finished eating. Now, although they still spoke little, dinner was brighter, they kept smiling, and the regrets were temporarily squashed by deep love.

When they finished eating, Gray offered to help clean up. They washed dishes side by side, bumping hips sometimes and smiling at one another. Then as Natsu scrubbed a pan, Gray went behind him and kissed the Dragon Slayer on the shoulder, where his nails had dug in and left a scab. He moved aside the lanky pink hair and sucked on the back of Natsu's neck, leaving even more small love marks. When he nibbled up and nipped Natsu's ear, the Dragon Slayer finally tossed down the scrubbing sponge, spun around, and yanked Gray up against him. Gray's mouth crashed against his, and his hips pinned Natsu to the sink. His hands rubbed up sculpted muscles and threaded through soft hair. Natsu grabbed around Gray's butt and yanked him in closer. Although he knew he was probably too tired for another romp, he loved the way Gray's hips slid against him, rocking into his body, claiming him fully.

They pulled back breathing heavily. Saliva trailed between their swollen lips. Natsu gazed into those droopy eyes and traced Gray's chiseled jaw with his hot fingers. Every fiber of his being wanted to lay claim to Gray, bite his neck, mark him, take him, _horde him_. Only the guilt lingering in the back of his mind stopped him.

"I don't want this night to ever end," Natsu said with teary sadness. It was already close to midnight, and he feared the breaking of this wonderful, sensual spell.

Gray squeezed him with reassurance. "Let's stay up a little longer. Leave the dishes."

They held each other around the waist, not wanting to let go of each other's bodies, as they walked out of the kitchen and over to the fireplace. They sat on the couch to watch the fire for a bit and listen to the storm blowing outside. Gray curled up into Natsu's strong arms, gazing at the fire and thinking about how he had burned away and wasted so many years. He could have had this fire in his heart blazing every night. He watched the lambent flames dance over the logs, like fiery lovers. It could have been them! Dancing. Burning. Smoldering together.

"Gray?"

He hardly realized he had fallen asleep until he jolted up, still in Natsu's arms.

"Hey," the Dragon Slayer whispered, nudging him. "Let's get to bed."

"Don't wanna," Gray muttered. If they slept, they would waste precious time. He wanted every minute of this night to count. How could he waste it with dreams? He had been dreaming and fantasizing for years. Tonight was a reality. He didn't want to sleep at all!

"Come on. I want to snuggle you."

Gray was almost snoring as Natsu hefted him to his feet. The ice mage wrapped himself around Natsu, holding on tightly as he stumbled through the house and to the bedroom.

Half-asleep, he muttered, "I don't wanna wake up from this dream."

Natsu gazed down at him, feeling touched by Gray's words. This night really had been like a dream, pretending to be a married couple, loving together, eating together, cleaning up together, and now they were going to sleep together.

When they entered the dark bedroom, the storm outside was still blowing, pattering against the window. The wind had picked up, howling softly through the forest. In here, all was warm and safe. Natsu helped Gray into his bed, and he got dressed. Gray just threw all of his clothes off. So typical!

Natsu turned off the light and slid into the blankets. Gray immediately grabbed him and pulled Natsu possessively closer. Natsu kissed his forehead and stroked back the black hair. Gray fell asleep almost immediately, but Natsu stayed up. He looked at that sleeping face in the darkness, the way Gray's mouth hung open, and listened to his breathing. Natsu did not want to sleep at all, not tonight. He did not want to miss a single moment of this.

Being together.

Being with … his husband.

A husband for only one night.

He did not want this to ever end, and he wished the sun would never rise. He wanted to stay right like this, holding Gray's chilly body, for the rest of his life. So even when he felt sleepy, even when his mind kept drifted off, Natsu tried to force himself to stay awake. An hour passed, and still he felt like he could not miss a single moment of watching Gray sleeping and holding him.

Finally, his eyes kept drifting down too often. He leaned over and gave Gray one last kiss on the forehead, before sleep conquered the Dragon Slayer. All in the bedroom fell silent except for the drumming cadence of the storm outside.


	7. Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It's tissue time._
> 
> _For Gray's point-of-view, I recommend listening to[Erin McCarley's "Pitter-Pat."](http://youtu.be/virRmxGHoyI)_
> 
> _"Pain takes my heart's place. The love we made, we can't erase it. Don't wanna face it. Pitter-pat, the angel on my shoulder is haunting me tonight. Tick tock, the clock is getting louder ready for me to decide. I've lost my sense of right and wrong, well-justified my soul to carry on. It feels so damn good to write off the rules, but when a new day breaks I'm left a fool. I'm such a fool."_
> 
> _And for Natsu's side to this scene, the perfect song is[Rascal Flatts' "What Hurts the Most."](http://youtu.be/9Uom6EDUA4g)_
> 
> _"I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house. That don't bother me. I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out. I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while, even though going on with you gone still upsets me. There are days every now and again I pretend I'm OK, but that's not what gets me. What hurts the most was being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away, and never knowing what could've been, and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do."_

Dawn arrived darkly. The storm had not yet passed, although now it was just a drizzle that pattered on the roof and streamed down the eaves in silver curtains. Gray's eyes opened to look at the monochrome world outside, so cold and stark. Then he slowly rolled over, still wrapped in Natsu's arms. He smiled at the bright pink hair, the bronze skin, and the crimson blankets. Such bright colors, so lively, compared to the grimness outside.

He was unsure how long he laid there, just watching Natsu breathing through slightly parted lips. He was surprisingly adorable while asleep. Those squinty eyes looked more childlike when closed, and his mouth was opened just enough to see a glimpse of sharp teeth and a hint of pink tongue. He stared at those slightly chapped lips, recalling how they had felt on his skin. Gray lightly touched his own mouth, remembering those sweet, wild, burning kisses. He could almost feel the searing heat of Natsu's tongue licking him again.

Gray fisted up his hand and gave a soft sigh. He had wanted the night to last forever, but that was a wish for fools. Reality froze his heart. He had to leave this warm dreamworld and return to his rain woman. Surely, Juvia would be elated to see Gray back early. She would smile, embrace him, and give him loving kisses.

Would he ever be able to enjoy those tender kisses after knowing the fiery kiss of a dragon?

It was tempting— _oh so tempting_ —to stay here until the weekend, to hide away in this house, escape reality a little longer … to keep living in this fantasy…

Gray shook his head. If he stayed, he would never leave, and that was unfair to Juvia. He truly did love her. She deserved better, because he knew he would never be able to give her one hundred percent of his heart.

Slowly, hoping not to wake Natsu, Gray pulled out of the warm embrace. He felt oddly cold as he climbed out of the bed. It was not a sensation he was used to feeling, not since he was a child, yet after being smothered by the Fire Dragon Slayer's heat all night, even just the stormy morning chill felt cold. As he moved, his body ached, a painful reminder of the previous night's passion. Just walking made his ass burn and his hips throb. The pain was Natsu's mark on him, something no one could see, but Gray could feel it potently with each step.

Dealing with the ache, he walked naked to the bathroom. They had showered in here, with the cold water instantly heated by Natsu. They had also stroked one another off in that shower. It was pure raw lust that time, an after-dinner dessert following such a savory main course.

Gray looked aside, forcing himself not to think about these things. He urinated, washed his face and hands, and borrowed Natsu's toothbrush to clean his teeth. Then he used a stiff comb to get his black hair into something resembling order. Tiptoeing around the bedroom, he found his scattered clothes and quietly watched Natsu for any signs of waking as Gray dressed himself. Finally, even his coat was on, and the Dragon Slayer was still sound asleep. It really was too cute!

Gray walked back over to the bed. He began to lean over, wanting to give him a kiss, one last goodbye before leaving back to the world of reality, but he feared that if Natsu woke up, he would beg Gray to stay. He knew that if that happened, he would never leave. Already, this was painfully tearing at his heart. If Natsu gazed up with those sage-green eyes and said "Stay with me," Gray would lose all resolve. Slowly, frowning, Gray pulled back up. He swallowed hard, trying to bury his regrets once more.

Then his eyes turned to the nightstand. The gold wedding ring still sat there, now like a leash he had to put on obediently. Outside the door, out in that miserable rain, his cage was waiting.

Gray ground his teeth. He really should not think of Juvia that way. She was so caring, so loving and devoted. He often felt he did not deserve someone so faithful as her, not when his own thoughts often strayed. He was truly happy with her. She made him laugh, made him blush, made him feel such passion and hope for the future.

Yet he knew a part of him would always regret the road not taken. He glanced back over to Natsu, thinking one last time about how things might have been different if he had only spoken up before fleeing from his uncertainties.

Too late now. All he had left were memories of last night.

With icy resolve, Gray picked up the wedding band, slid it onto his ring finger, and fisted his hand. It was time to put away fantasies and return to being a responsible husband. With any luck, in a year's time, he and Juvia might even be parents. That was something Natsu could never give him.

Yet the Fire Dragon Slayer could give so much more!

Gray shook his head, banishing those fantasies. He made his choice five years ago when he gave his vows to Juvia. He knew that day, he was giving up a lot of freedom, yet he still went through with it out of love for Juvia. He was happy with her. He wanted many more decades with her by his side. He did not regret the past five years of marriage.

Did he regret last night? He wasn't sure yet. What happened last night was a sin, a charred stain on his soul that he would have to live with for the rest of his life. It was a dreamworld, a wonderland, one night of fictive passion. It could never be reality. Not anymore.

It had been everything he always wanted but couldn't have.

And then Gray realized, he _still_ couldn't have it. He had no choice but to turn away from delectable delusions and return to reality.

Gray forced himself to walk out of the bedroom with a firm stride. The house was so silent, so empty. He could hardly help but pity the loneliness Natsu must feel living here. He put his shoes on at the door, took one more look around at this house that was rarely used anymore, a house filled with Natsu's essence. Then, freezing his heart, he opened the door, stepped outside, made sure the latch closed firmly, and strode out into the rain, heading down the soggy road toward Magnolia.

Not even at the tree line, he paused and looked back. A smile struggled to his lips. The fire Natsu lit within him still sizzled, and Gray knew it would never be fully quenched. It was a scar branded deep in his heart, something to warm him with passion and freeze him with regrets. A tear dripped down that bittersweet smile, quickly washed away and hidden by the drizzling rain.

Finally, Gray turned, and he forced himself not to look back.

* * *

Natsu's eyes opened as soon as he heard the door shut. He had been awake long before Gray, but he knew that a goodbye between them would only be painful. He let Gray make his choice. Natsu's chest shuddered with tears he did not allow to fall. He had known from the beginning that Gray would choose his wife over some fling.

Still, it hurt to let him go and listen to his slow, reluctant steps walk away.

He sat up, and the blankets tumbled around him. Natsu looked down and saw small pink marks all over his chest and swollen welts from scratches to his hips and shoulders. He had been so careful not to mark Gray, yet the Ice-Make mage had marked him all over.

A dragon being marked!

It made Natsu chuckle for a moment, but then the levity slowly vanished as he realized with a sickly shiver that he potentially could have ruined Gray's marriage, all for a crazy fling.

His head dropped to his knees. Curling into a ball, he whispered shamefully, "What have I done?"

Did he regret it, now that morning shined its light on their sin? A part of him did, the part that hated the fact that he had betrayed Juvia's friendship and took advantage of Gray despite knowing he was a married man.

He looked over to where Gray had been sleeping. The sheets were still wrinkled in an outline of his body, and his wintry scent clung strongly in the air. Natsu caressed the bed sheets and smiled as he recalled what had happened, right here in his bed. His first time making love! He had been saving himself, not wanting any other love but Gray's. Finally, he got his wish.

It was everything he had ever wanted.

And it was the ultimate betrayal!

Suddenly, Natsu clenched the sheets and slammed his eyes shut as he realized it was the first time in his life that he had placed his feelings above others and potentially hurt one of his nakama. Juvia didn't deserve this, but … neither did they.

"Why?" he screamed, angry at Fate's cruelty.

Natsu grabbed his chest and bent over to struggle against the tears that threatened to fall. He shouldn't cry! He had no right to weep for something that he could never have, something he gave up, silently watching as Gray walked away from him. Still, he already wanted Gray back, wanted to hoard him, never let him leave, covet him and steal him away. Letting go went against all of his desires and instincts.

His heart burned with regret, but he did not repent at all that he had finally come forth and told Gray the truth. What they did was not Natsu's sin alone. Gray had made his choice, and at least for one night, he had chosen Natsu over Juvia. The sin was theirs to share, a darkness that now bonded them with silent longing and memories of the sweetest, most forbidden passion. It was their secret, their sin, their burden that would both sting their hearts with remorse and warm their chests with repletion.

"Gray," he whispered, already wanting him back, wanting to hold him and comfort what he knew must be agonizing for the married ice mage.

His head raised up, forcing the tears back. His nose was moist, and his chest jolted with sobs he refused to let loose. The house felt so lonely and quiet. Over the years, Natsu thought that he had gotten used to being alone. Dragons were reclusive creatures by nature. Now, that solitude ached.

As he sat there in silence and stared at the sheets, Natsu realized that it was not last night which filled him with remorse. It was the past, not taking this chance sooner, the stupidity of youth and fears of rejection. He regretted keeping quiet and watching from afar.

He _did not_ regret loving Gray.

Natsu leaned over and kissed the pillow where Gray had slept. He inhaled the lingering aroma and rested his cheek where Gray's head had laid all night. Then he hugged the pillow, closed his eyes, and remembered the tenderness of Gray's touches. It was all he could do now: reminisce and regret.

One thing he knew for sure was that he had loved Gray for years, still loved him, and always would. He prayed that maybe, someday, they could have one more night like this. It was so wrong, and yet … it had been so sweet.

Outside, the rain suddenly began to pick up. The wind blew, and droplets splattered against the window, streaking down like teardrops. Natsu finally climbed out of the warm bed and walked to the window, staring out into the bleakness. Far down the road, almost out of view, he saw the dark speck that was Gray's retreating body.

Gray had to live his life, and Natsu had to respect that choice. He had to let him go.

Natsu put his hand on the chilly windowpane, right over where Gray's back faced him. A tear finally escaped and tumbled down his cheek.

"I love you, Gray," he whispered.

Natsu focused on his reflection in the glass. The crying sky left streaks down the window, mirroring the lines of tears now streaming down his face.

He wondered if, right now, Gray's heart was also crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This is how my collaborator, Moonlessnight126, wanted this to end, but … I can't! I have to expand it some more._


	8. Vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[Lara Fabian's "Broken Vow"](http://youtu.be/aIKhxiL_JrI) is perfect for this chapter, with a gender pronoun change, from "her" to "him." Also, I kept listening to another [Adele song, "Set Fire to the Rain,"](http://youtu.be/FlsBObg-1BQ) about a woman who realizes her relationship is a lie and frees herself from the tears. Plus there's the dichotomy of rain and Juvia being a "rain woman," and fire with Natsu being a Fire Dragon Slayer, like the two are butting heads and Juvia lets Natsu's flames burn away the pain she has been living with for years._
> 
> _"My hands, they were strong, but my knees were far too weak to stand in your arms without falling to your feet. But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew. All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true. And the games you'd play, you would always win, always win. But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face. Well, it burned while I cried, 'cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!"_

Gray's coat was drenched by the time he got to the house he and Juvia lived in. The rain had picked up rather suddenly and had not let up. He paused on the porch, dusted off the raindrops, and looked at the door. Somehow, he had to open that door and walk inside with a smile. He had frozen his heart many times in the past, but with the flame of Natsu's love still burning in him, he wondered if he could do it once more. He took a deep breath, grabbed the doorknob, and turned it.

"I'm home," he called out as he stepped inside.

He had expected Juvia to come flying out of the bedroom and leap excitedly into his arms like she always did. Instead, as he took off his shoes and hung the wet coat up by the door, the house was oddly quiet. It was too early for her to be at the guild already. Natsu said nothing about a large mission, which would have been the only reason Juvia would leave so close to Gray's return date. Then he heard a noise in the bedroom.

"Juvia?" he called out. He ran his fingers through his wet hair, trying to dry it out as he walked through the house. "Are you here?"

He walked into the bedroom to see Juvia standing there with her back to him. Her hair was still frizzy, unbrushed, and her clothes were wrinkled as if she had slept in them. Now that he was this close, he heard soft sniffles. His eyes widened with dread.

_'Oh God, does she already know?'_

"Juvia?" he asked hesitantly. His skin prickled with fear and guilt.

He heard her take a steadying breath before whispering, "Welcome … home, Gray-sam-…" Her throat failed before she could finish saying the name.

She did not turn around, and he did not step any closer. He waited, sensing something was seriously wrong. It took him a moment to realize there was a suitcase on the bed. Juvia had some of her clothes folded away in it.

"W-what's going on?" he asked. He knew the answer, but he refused to believe it. She was his wife! He loved her deeply. He also knew, he had seriously betrayed her. But … how did she find out?

She snuffled, and he realized that the rain outside fell harder. "You … you're late, Gray-sama."

There was a sound of bitterness in her words, and Gray approached it cautiously. "I'm actually early. I hadn't planned on being back until this weekend."

Her shoulders shuddered again, as if his frigid words had turned her blood to ice. "But Gray-sama returned yesterday." She finally spun around, and he saw her wet face. "Didn't you?" she said softly, yet filled with accusation. Outside, lightning flashed through the brewing sky, mirroring her anger.

Gray could not move, nor could he speak.

"Juvia was shopping and saw Gray-sama was back in Magnolia, but Gray-sama wasn't heading home. Juvia followed, and soon Gray-sama was going back out of town. Juvia was worried, but then Gray-sama went to Natsu's house. Juvia couldn't figure it out. Why Natsu's house first? Why didn't Gray-sama hurry right back home?" Her lips trembled as she tried to stay strong. "Juvia wondered, maybe it was the rain. Juvia went back home and got an umbrella. When Juvia came back, there were noises. Juvia was worried and looked in through the window." Tears spilled over her cheeks. "Juvia saw what happened."

Gray's heart was racing. "Y-you … saw?" He felt a jolt of terror. "What did you see?"

Her eyes crinkled with tears. "Enough." She tried to smile. "Juvia can't do _that_ to Gray-sama."

Gray covered his mouth and turned away with a spike of sickness. If it had just been mere suspicion, he could have lied his way out of this, or even if all she saw was them kissing, maybe he could patch this up, but … she saw! She saw him under Natsu, not just kissing, not him forcing the Dragon Slayer in a bout of horniness and dominance, but she saw him submissively accepting Natsu into his body.

"Juvia, I swear, I have never been untrue to you before."

That gave her only a faint, awkward smile that faded instantly. It was something she feared, that this thing with Natsu was ongoing, or that his long missions had been filled with adulterous affairs.

He finally stepped into the bedroom and to her side. He wanted to hug her, shield her, protect his precious rain woman, but as he reached to her, the stiffness in her shoulders told him that, this time, he could not touch her.

"I'm so sorry," he said earnestly. "It was a one-time thing. Natsu knows that. I don't even know what I was thinking last night. I love you, Juvia," he insisted, "and … I screwed up. I already told Natsu that I'm not leaving you, and I'm not going to. It was just this once, just a…" He cringed, because he was not sure if this was true or not; still, he had to say it. "It was a mistake." Part of his heart ached to brush off the sweet passion of last night as something foolish, but what else could he tell her?

"Does Gray-sama never want it to happen again?"

Gray hesitated a fraction too long. He knew he had to say yes, it was the proper thing to say, the _only thing_ to say. However, his tongue refused to form the word.

Juvia's wet eyes turned up to him, not shocked, more like she already knew he could not answer her.

"Juvia knew," she said faintly through tears. "Juvia knew for a while, Gray-sama's love was not a hundred percent. Juvia thought the other person was Lucy, but when Lucy got engaged, Gray-sama had no reaction. Juvia began to wonder who it actually was that distracted Gray-sama. Now Juvia knows … it was _Natsu_."

"Juvia," he sighed, finally grabbing onto her arm.

"It's … shocking," she admitted, "but in a way, Juvia is glad. Juvia didn't lose out to another woman. It's just … too much," she cried. "A man! Juvia never thought … it could have been a man. If it was a woman, Juvia could make herself prettier, or sexier, or dye my hair, cut it, anything to be better than her, but … a man…" She shook her head, stunned beyond thinking clearly. "Juvia can't be a man."

"No," he cringed. "Look, it's … that's not it. It's not about what you have, or don't have. You're perfect." His mind was racing. How could he save this? What could he say to her to make the rain stop?

She glared up, and Gray heard the rumble of thunder outside. "Not perfect enough."

His eyes slammed shut. What could he even tell her? It wasn't about her, or wanting a man. "Oh God. I … look … i-it's not you. Really, it's not." How could he even tell her, he had wanted Natsu for years? Last night had been about his own greed.

Her eyes dropped sadly. "Juvia can't keep sharing Gray-sama with someone else."

Gray began to panic. "I swear, Juvia … it was just _once_. I'll never go over to Natsu's place again. Please." He lowered his head as tears came to his eyes. "Please, forgive me. Please, I don't want to lose you. I really don't. I don't deserve forgiveness, but … please." His heart shuddered with guilt at giving her pain.

She seemed to calm down a little. "Juvia knows that Gray-sama will never wholly be mine. Juvia … has been sharing Gray-sama … for a long time. Maybe since the beginning. How long has Gray-sama loved Natsu?"

He raised his head up, his mouth opened in shock at the question. How the hell was he supposed to answer truthfully that he had loved Natsu long before he ever even met her?

"That long?" she asked, sounding disappointed. "Then, Juvia has never fully belonged to Gray-sama."

"That's not true!" he insisted. "I picked _you_."

Her eyes suddenly brewed like a hurricane, the wind outside whipped up the torrential rain, lightning crackled through the sky, and she screamed, "Gray-sama didn't pick Juvia last night!"

Her anger stung him, and Gray's head fell. "Please, Juvia. Please, don't do this."

"Juvia would have liked to have said the same thing last night, except … Gray-sama was already _doing it_ ," she sneered.

That stung. He turned away and covered his mouth as screams of protest bubbled up and tears tumbled down. "Oh God, I'm so sorry!" he said between trembling fingers. "I'm so … so sorry. Dammit!" he cringed as he realized just how horribly he had betrayed her love.

How could this have happened? Last night was supposed to be a fantasy, a dreamworld, one night of make-believe pleasure. It was not supposed to affect his real life, not like this.

"Juvia wants a divorce."

"No, _please!_ " he screamed, tears running down his face. "It was a mistake. It was just once. Please!" He fell as his legs turned to jelly by the flood of misery. He sobbed at her feet, broken by his own betrayal. "Please … don't," he whispered, his voice cracking through tears. "Please, Juvia. Give me a chance."

She turned and walked away away from him. "Juvia gave Gray-sama five years, and this is what Juvia gets."

"No, please," he pleaded, gazing up at her from the floor. "It … it was just _once_."

When she looked back down at him, her eyes looked like they almost pitied him. "Gray-sama … doesn't want it to be just once."

"It _will_ be," he insisted.

She shook her head. "But it's not what Gray-sama wants," she said in brokenhearted understanding.

Gray had no idea what to even say. She was right. He wanted Natsu again, even if he knew that last night had to be a one-night-stand. He remembered what he had told Natsu while lying in bed together.

_'I will want it again. I already do. But I'm not sure if I can. I'm not sure if I should.'_

"Does Gray-sama love Natsu?" Her bloodshot eyes looked straight into his. "Did Gray-sama tell Natsu 'I love you'?"

Gray again hesitated.

* * *

_"So tell me again. Tell me properly."_

_"Why should I say something so embarrassing?"_

_"Because I wanna hear it. I want to hear you say it, in your voice, and watch your lips, so I know for sure that I'm not imagining all this. It's too good to be true, so I need you to say it properly. Bluntly. Say it."_

_"I love you … Natsu."_

* * *

Gray's eyes closed in defeat. "Yes," he whispered. "I … I told him that."

She nodded in strained understanding. "If Gray-sama is happy…"

"Juvia," he protested.

"Juvia has packed," she said, sounding emotionally drained but collected. "Juvia can stay with friends."

"No," Gray said firmly. "It was my mistake. I'll leave. If this is really your choice…" He gulped hard as pain shredded his heart. "I wronged you, so I'll go. You can keep everything: the house, money, anything you want." He hung his head in misery. "It's the least I can do to apologize for betraying you."

"Where will Gray-sama go?"

"To hell, for all I care," he muttered miserably. "I can crash with Lyon or somewhere else. You don't have to worry about me." He pulled himself up and wiped his wet face with his sleeve. "I'm so sorry." He felt like he could say that over and over, and it still would never convey just how miserable he felt for hurting her like this. "Juvia?"

He suddenly strode across the room and yanked her around into a crushing hug. He knew she was strong, she could have slipped out of his embrace with ease if she did not want this. The fact that she remained only made his heart burn worse.

"Think about this, please," he begged. "I don't want to lose you. I love you. But you're right. I've … I've had feelings for Natsu … for a long time. I should have just told you outright, but … I was scared and ashamed. If I had just told you, maybe this never would have happened. Last night … I shouldn't have gone there. I screwed up. I'm so sorry," he cringed. "I … I did choose him last night," he whispered in shame, "but … but I also chose to come back to you. Maybe I'm a bastard for loving two people at the same time, and if so, I apologize. If you can forgive me … I don't know if I can promise that I won't feel that way about Natsu anymore, but I _can_ promise to be loyal."

"Juvia wants more than loyalty," she said with a frailness to her voice that showed she was barely managing to stay strong through this.

Gray pulled back. He suddenly realized, his begging was only hurting her worse. Her mind was made up. He had ruined everything last night, and there was no way to repair the vow he had broken.

"Juvia … has to let Gray-sama go," she said as she held back anger and sadness. "Gray-sama can be with Natsu, or anyone else. Juvia should not hold Gray-sama back anymore."

"Juvia!"

"Can Juvia ask for one thing?"

"Of course," he said ardently, ready to give up anything if it meant she could smile again some day.

"Juvia … wants one last kiss."

Gray's heart broke down. He grabbed her and squeezed her tightly as he wept into her soft, blue hair. Years of happiness flashed through his mind, days of young love, joyful dating, wild lovemaking, and tender evenings snuggled together. It all cracked and shattered under the sin of last night. Once, he had vowed to always protect her. Now, he had hurt her in the worst way.

"A part of me will always love you," he swore ardently.

She sighed softly. "But it has always only been _a part of you_. Never all of you."

His teeth gritted, cringing that this was true, and he could not deny it. Still, she hugged him, and he gripped her, knowing this would be the last time he could hold her this close. Then he suddenly kissed her. His hands grabbed her face, trying to beg forgiveness through his kiss, trying to say sorry for years of worries, a night of painful betrayal, and a lifetime of sadness that would haunt them both.

The kiss softened. She always kissed so delicately, so refined and tender. It was nothing like the kisses from last night. This was a kiss he knew well, but one he took for granted. Probably for the first time since they started dating many years ago, he really paid attention to just how Juvia kissed.

When their lips separated, Juvia looked satisfied, but Gray was struggling to hold back more tears. She touched his face with tenderness, the gentle touch she always used. This time, those tender hands created a storm of regrets in his heart.

"If I can do anything…" he began.

"Give Juvia time. If Gray-sama and Natsu do hook up, just … not in front of me."

Gray shook his head. "I really don't know … after this…" He had no idea if he could go back to Natsu, not with all the guilt carving a hole in his heart.

"Juvia will leave this weekend, if Gray-sama wants to come get anything."

That felt like the final nail pounded into the coffin of their marriage, and Gray felt his stomach lurch. "I … I'll just take a few things for now."

He still had his duffel bag from the mission with some clothes. That was enough for a few days. He took only a picture of his parents. He would hardly blame Juvia if she shredded all other photos of him. Then he went back to the entryway, pulled on the wet coat, put his shoes back on, and opened the door.

"Gray-sama?" Juvia called out.

He paused, but he could not turn around and show her how heavily he was crying. She said nothing more, no goodbye, no forgiveness. Only his name. He knew, he deserved nothing from her.

He never deserved her love in the first place.

He stepped out wordlessly and trudged down the street, keeping his head down and his coat pulled up against the storm. As he walked away, it suddenly opened up and poured. This time, Gray knew it was Juvia making it rain. He did not grumble about the foul weather. As residents of Magnolia fled from the deluge, Gray walked onward, letting it soak him, taking it as punishment for betraying his wife.


	9. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This chapter is filled with clashing feelings, a tempest of emotions, and different songs evoked the struggles of both men._
> 
> _This song came recommended and could be played on repeat through the whole story: the appropriately named["Crying Sky"](http://youtu.be/p0FcjZVMjPw) by Ryoma Echizen (voice actress Junko Minagawa) from "Prince of Tennis." The translation goes like this: "The sky is crying in despair. ~Solitude~ The words resounding in my hazy consciousness violently tear up my heart. Nearly unable to breathe, this worn out body. The drops of my torn away feelings fell onto the palm of my hand."_
> 
> _Another tune that was recommended through my Facebook page "Rhov Anion's Minions" is a song from Maria Mena,["Habits (Sako Isoyan Remix)."](http://youtu.be/nV4-5PBLblY) \- "So grant me this wish and meet me back here in a year. If we still exist, I can let go of my fear."_
> 
> _Also, because it's so damn appropriate, a classic '70s song about adultery without regrets,["If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Want to Be Right)"](http://youtu.be/ABtZCxBDekg) by Luther Ingram. - "Are you wrong to give your love to a married man, and am I wrong trying to hold on to the best thing I ever had? If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right."_

Natsu looked around the house. Perishable food was gathered in the refrigerator with a note to Happy to take it with him before it spoiled. The dinner last night had used up the last of the meat, and he drank the last bit of milk that morning. Everything was boxed up, and dust sheets covered all the furniture, ready for a long absence.

He had gone on plenty of long missions by now. There was always that sense of longing, wishing he could stay home just one more day, knowing he would miss his friends, his bed, and a hot meal. Adventure awaited, but at the expense of leaving behind so much.

Especially now. Natsu was unsure how long he had cried that morning; there was still a dull pain in his chest and behind his eyes. Last night had been wonderful, sensual, a dream come true, but after the flames burned, what was left behind was cold, black soot, a charred stain on his soul. He had to leave now with uncertainty and regrets eating away at him.

He had no clue how Gray was feeling right now. Yearning for more? Regretting it all? Angry at Natsu? In love? How would he feel later, when this mission ended? So much could change during that time, and Natsu would not be around to talk to Gray, discuss this, maybe try to win him over, or even encourage him to surrender it all as being just a one-time fantasy, a dream, forget that night and the things that they said. He was leaving Gray alone to sort through this on his own, and that pained Natsu, because he knew this act of adultery would grieve Gray deeply.

Natsu hoped that by the time he returned to Magnolia, Gray would have figured out how to cope, and he would be happy. Natsu almost wished Juvia could give Gray a child. He would make a truly loving father. He deserved that much. They both did. They made a cute couple. So perfect.

Tears came to his eyes again, and the Dragon Slayer cursed, scrubbing at his face. He was not about to go out there in tears. The rain might hide the drips, but not the puffiness of his eyelids. What would people say if they saw Salamander Natsu crying like a kid?

To stall for time, he went to the bathroom just to make sure he got everything. Sure enough, he almost left his comb. He picked it up, but he saw a piece of hair stuck in it. He picked it out and saw a black strand. Gray's hair!

Natsu shivered, as if those cold arms were wrapped around him again. He and Gray had been in this bathroom: that wonderful shower, the gentle foot rub, the erotic cleaning, touching one another, and loving one another. The tears burned him again, and Natsu shook his head, vainly trying to banish the pain from his heart. He tucked that loose strand into a pocket. It would be his good luck charm on his journey, a little piece of Gray he could keep as his own.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Natsu put the comb in his bag as he hurried forward. Who the heck would come here, and through this storm? Maybe Lisanna wanted to say goodbye before he left. Perhaps it was Happy. Yes, probably Happy, although the knock was far too loud for his furry paws.

When he opened the door, he did not recognize the person at first. The rain was coming down in torrents. The man on his porch was drenched, his head down, black hair completely obscuring him. When the visitor lifted his downcast face, Natsu saw stormy-blue eyes streaked red with crying. One eye was bruised purple and swollen.

"Gray!"

The ice mage collapsed into his arms, catching Natsu off-guard. Natsu yanked him inside. Gray's clothes were saturated, and even his shoes squished out water as he stepped. Natsu yanked the heavy cloak off, letting it fall in a moist _shlop_ by the door. Gray was not moving, so Natsu bent over and got the muddy, soaked shoes off. Then Natsu hugged him close, set himself on fire, and let the flames dance around them both, not burning Gray, but steaming the rain off in billows.

"Gray?" he asked as he burned the wet chill away.

The ice mage was still not moving, not even hugging back. He stood motionless, his eyes glazed and his face a blank. This warmth, this embrace, the strong arms and fiery heat: it was all so comforting, and yet so painful to bear.

Once he was dry enough, Natsu pulled Gray over to the couch. He tossed an armload of logs into the hearth and breathed a large puff of flames, setting them alight and crackling. Then he sat beside Gray, took up a chilly hand, and squeezed the limp fingers that had almost no life left in them.

"What's wrong?" Natsu asked in dread. "Were you in a fight?"

Gray stared at the fire. Just last night, he had cuddled Natsu on this couch, thinking to himself that he had never been so happy before. Now … what was happiness, really? Did this man make him happy? Did his wife? Why did happiness have to bring pain?

"Juvia … followed me yesterday," Gray muttered. "She followed me here. She … saw us."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Oh shit." The sting of guilt now stabbed him like one of Gray's own ice javelins. "Gray." He had no clue what to say, and Natsu looked around, grasping for something, anything, to make this better. "I didn't smell her. I can usually smell people long before they come here."

"It was raining, and she _is_ the rain."

He had a point. Rain really dulled Natsu's sense of smell anyway, and it did not help that Juvia smelled like a rainy day. There was no way he could have picked out her scent through a closed window and in such a storm.

"Did she kick you out?" Natsu asked sadly. He frowned at the black eye. "Did she hit you?"

"This?" Gray asked, gingerly touching the bruise. "That was from Lyon. I tried crashing with him. I shouldn't have told him _why_ I needed a place to stay."

"If you need to stay here for a few days while she calms down, that's fine."

"Calms down?" Gray laughed sardonically. "She seemed pretty damn _calm_ when she said … she…" His face tensed up in misery, and he screamed in rage and heartbreak, "She wants a divorce, Natsu. _A divorce!_ "

As Gray burst into fresh tears, Natsu sat there stunned. He knew that if this betrayal was discovered, Juvia would be disappointed, angry, probably flood Magnolia, maybe lash a deluge at Natsu, yet he figured she would calm down and forgive her precious Gray-sama, take him back, maybe stalk him more obsessively just to make sure he behaved. He thought her anger would only be directed toward himself for becoming a new love rival. He never fathomed that Juvia was even capable of pushing Gray away.

"She'll calm down, Gray. She'll … she'll calm down. Just give her time."

Natsu hated that part of him was glad to hear that news. Last night, before he even confessed his feelings, he had asked Gray if he would divorce Juvia. Hearing Gray so quickly say that he would never leave her had been disappointing. Natsu had momentarily hoped that Gray would answer yes, that if the person he loved actually loved him back, he would leave his wife to be with that person. He almost held back from confessing at all, since Gray had been so sure of himself when he answered that.

Natsu had wanted Gray to say he would divorce Juvia. Now, he damned himself silently for wishing that. As he listened to Gray sobbing, he felt miserable for the small part of him that saw this, not as a tragedy, but as freedom for them both.

Suddenly, Gray lashed out in anger. "I ruined everything! I never should have come to this house. I should have gone straight to her. Why … why did I not go straight home?" he screamed in tears. "Why did I wander around, putting it off? What the hell sort of husband am I? And why did I go _here_ instead of to her?" His head dropped into his hands, and he yanked at his hair. "I fucked up everything."

"Gray," Natsu sighed, anguished by his friend's misery. "I'm sor-…"

"No!" Gray shouted. "Don't! Whatever you do, don't you dare blame yourself. Don't you fucking _dare_ do that! It's all my fault. It was my choice, my life … my marriage. I chose _you_ , Natsu. I chose you over my own wife! So don't you dare steal that sin from me. It's mine alone to bear."

"I have my own sin to live with," Natsu replied, holding him tightly. "I stole something precious from Juvia."

"I let myself be taken."

"I was still the one who coveted a married man. I was the one who pulled you in out of the rain, although I knew it wasn't safe to be this close to you. I'm the one…"

"Shut up!" Gray lashed out. "This … this is hard enough. I don't want to think I made _you_ miserable as well."

Natsu decided to just keep quiet. He glanced at a clock. He should have left already, especially since the storm would slow him down. At this rate, he would not make it to the next town before sunset. However, he was not about to abandon Gray like this.

"I don't even want to exist anymore."

Natsu jolted in horror. "Gray!"

"I'm the worst person in the world. I should just vanish."

"Gray, stop!"

Gray shook his head. "I screwed up something wonderful, something people spend their whole lives seeking: love, happiness, a family. Fucked it all up! But what's worse? Part of me … was _glad_ when she said she wanted a divorce. Some small part of me thought 'Perfect, that means I can be with Natsu.' Fuck, I'm a total asshole."

Natsu felt a flame rekindle in his heart at hearing that. "I'm just as bad. Here I am watching the person I love cry, and part of me is happy. How is that love?"

"It isn't. It's greed. Same with me." He laughed bitterly. "We're two greedy bastards."

Natsu squeezed his hand in comfort.

"Well, at least I told her she could have everything. I'm not totally an asshole. Or maybe that's just my pathetic attempt at redemption. Like hell if I know anymore," he muttered, staring ahead blankly. "Gotta find … stuff. Place to stay." His mind was too chaotic with emotional turmoil to think clearly. "Can't stay with Lyon. Bastard punched me for breaking her heart. Totally deserved it. Don't know anyone else. Hotel for now. Apartment? Maybe get away. Fuck, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, just rambling. I feel numb."

"You're in shock," Natsu frowned in sympathy. "That's understandable. Neither one of us thought this would happen."

Gray stared ahead blankly. "The whole guild will beat me up for doing this to her. I should just quit, move away, far away. Forget everything."

"Gray," Natsu scolded. "They'll be mad, but they're good at forgiving. Maybe Juvia will forgive you, too," he reassured optimistically. "Stay here for now. Someone needs to look after the place while I'm gone. There's no electricity, but I'm sure if you ask, the electric company will turn it back on. Pretty sure they've forgotten my old bills by now. Or just tell them I don't live here anymore."

"Stay … here?" He looked up in confusion. "How'd I get to your place?"

"Don't ask me. You knocked on my door."

"God, I don't even know what I've been doing all day. Wandering. I was on a train, I think. Went to Lyon, got punched, I think he cracked one of my ribs, too. I came back here. I wanted to tell you before you heard about it on the road. Didn't want you freaking out, rushing back. I bet the newspapers will want to hear the story. One of the most perfect couples in Fairy Tail, and I fucked it up. I don't think she'll tell anyone about you, at least. She's a good woman. A good… Oh God, why did I do that to her?"

"Gray," Natsu frowned, torn up to see him this devastated. "That's it, I'm staying here with you. I can put off my trip for a day or two. It'd mean I'd have to take a train, but … I'll deal with it, if you need someone here with you."

"Trip?" Only then did he realize Natsu was dressed for a journey. "Oh, right. You mentioned that you're leaving on a mission. Today?"

"Y-yeah," Natsu cringed. "I'll postpone."

"No … no, you have a commitment and … I'll be honest, and don't take this the wrong way, but … I don't want you around."

Natsu eyes widened with sadness.

"I mean, I do," Gray said quickly, "but seeing you…" He dropped his head and shook it to chase away visions in his head. "I keep remembering what happened, and I keep wondering about things. When exactly did she see us? What precisely was I doing at that moment? How long did she watch? What did she hear me say? It makes me remember the whole thing, how sweet it was, how amazing it felt, but now I picture her face peeking through the window. I don't know what she saw. I didn't dare ask. It was enough, though. Enough so she knew that I … I let you. And I liked it. And it's tearing me up."

"Gray," Natsu whispered. Part of him was happy to hear that Gray had liked last night, and part of him ached at realizing that evening of greedy pleasure had destroyed Gray's marriage.

"Seeing you makes it all clash together." Tears streamed down as he gazed into those sage-green eyes. "It was so wonderful, Natsu. So absolutely wonderful! And it was so wrong! Part of me regrets it, and part of me doesn't. It's ripping me in half. I … I can't be around you. I'm sorry. Besides, I don't want to leave my wife and immediately move in with you. That'd be a whole new level of _bastard_."

"I guess so," Natsu said quietly. "The house is still free to use," he offered, trying to smile. "It's not moving in with me if I'm not home."

"Thanks. I might stay until I can find a place. Hotels are damn expensive, and I don't want to ask any friends. I don't … wanna cry … around them." He wiped more tears aside. "I just need to be alone. This will work, staying here, away from the city. Just … alone."

Natsu rubbed Gray's arm, wondering if solitude was really best. Then again, they were stubborn and proud mages. When Natsu had to cry, he did not let himself be seen by _anyone_.

"How long will you be gone?"

Natsu turned his head aside and looked at the house packed away. "Six months." When he took the mission, it had seemed like a good way to escape. Now, it was a prison term keeping him away from Gray.

Gray's world reeled yet again. "Half a year?" he whispered. "Natsu!"

Those narrow eyes gazed down hard. "It'll give you time. I can't back out of this mission, but I figure that by the time I come home, you'll be a bit calmer. We can figure things out at that time."

Gray fisted up his hands. Natsu was right. He needed time to process what just happened. Part of him hoped Juvia would calm down and take him back, but he wondered if that was really for the best.

Could he leave Natsu forever and honestly be loyal to her, now that he knew the pleasure of this fiery body?

If Juvia went through with the divorce, there would be legal issues, and the guild would be in an uproar. Hell, the whole magic world would have a field day yapping about why the woman who so incessantly—and publicly, in front of all of Fiore—obsessed over the ice mage suddenly cast him aside. _Sorcerer Magazine_ would have gossip columns speculating the reasons for weeks. If they knew about Natsu…

"You're right," he muttered. "I … I need to think about this. I really don't want to lose Juvia, but…" He looked up to the Dragon Slayer. Why couldn't he have both? Why did he have to love both his wife and this Dragon Slayer? "I don't want to lose you," he whispered longingly. "Come home soon."

Natsu's heart throbbed. He grabbed Gray, and the ice mage suddenly clutched tightly. Their lips collided together in passion that had not cooled off with the morning chill. Almost instantly, Gray's shirt was thrown off, and Natsu's hands clutched at the cold skin. He pressed Gray up against the couch, and Gray's hands kept pulling at him, wanting him closer … _closer!_ Natsu's leg swung over, and he straddled over Gray, sitting on his lap, kissing him and trying to touch absolutely everything.

Gray's mouth broke free, wet and swollen. "Mark me, Natsu." His fingers brushed up and caressed one of the many hickeys he had left on the neck covered by the scarf. "Let me know it wasn't a dream."

Natsu's eyes looked wild, animalistic, and he suddenly dived down. Gray felt a shot of pain as teeth bit into his shoulder. He cried out, and tears came to his eyes. Not tears of pain. Natsu was _marking_ him. _Claiming_ him! As the bite tightened and pierced skin, Gray pulled at Natsu's hair, clutching and sharing this pain.

This would not be a bruise that would fade in a couple days. Gray felt blood drip down his back, and he knew this would be a scab, maybe a scar, permanent. Natsu was making sure that Gray really would never forget their night together.

Natsu leaned up and sensually licked blood off his lips. His eyes still gleamed, as if a dragon burned inside of him, threatening to burst out in flames. He had been so cautious last night, not leaving a single scratch or bruise. Now, he wanted Gray's body to be his to mark, his to own. _His!_

Natsu's nails began to dig in slowly into Gray's chest, adding more and more gradual pressure, and he watched as Gray tried to put up with the pain. Seeing the ice mage cringe, suffering, and accepting that agony for Natsu's sake, enthralled the covetous side of the Dragon Slayer. Suddenly, Gray screamed, and Natsu saw blood seeping past his nails, dripping over the pale skin.

"N-Natsu!"

His nails pulled back, and he saw moon-shaped marks burrowed into the skin. Natsu leaned over and licked the blood. Then he also licked up the bleeding bite. He smelled the coppery scent mixed with Gray's musky smell, and he tasted the warm flavor of Gray's blood, sweet and intoxicating, mixed with the saltiness of sweat that glistened on his flushed skin. Natsu sucked on the bite, just a little, to slurp up the blood. Finally, he leaned back, smiling with satisfaction.

"You won't forget last night," he said assuredly.

Gray panted through pain and glared up. "Bastard," he whispered, but he smiled that now, his body really did belong to the Dragon Slayer.

Natsu climbed off, stood, and held his hand out to Gray. The ice mage took the hand and yanked himself onto his feet. Natsu suddenly pulled hard, and Gray crashed into his chest. He held the ice mage there, feeling the coolness of the body. He grabbed Gray's hair, leaned over, and gently licked the bite again as blood started to drip. He felt Gray shudder at the pleasure and pain.

"I don't know if you'll come to regret last night," Natsu whispered, gently kissing his shoulder and neck, "but I don't. Maybe I'm a bastard for that. I know what I want." He took Gray's cheeks in his hands and stared right into those droopy eyes. "I want _you_." Then Natsu leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.

For a brief second, Gray compared them. He had kissed Juvia goodbye that morning. Her lips were always so plump and soft, her kisses gentle even amidst passion. Natsu kissed voraciously, but right now Gray realized that he had a soft side to him as well. His lips burned with passion. They were thinner lips, with stubble roughness scratching at Gray's skin. A man's lips!

Natsu's hand drifted down and palmed Gray through his jeans. Suddenly, the ice mage yanked back and turned away.

"I can't, Natsu," he said breathlessly. "I just … can't."

"All right," the Fire Dragon Slayer whispered with understanding. "Let me patch you up."

He took Gray to the bathroom. He washed the wounds and put on a salve. He kept kissing Gray's skin as he applied a bandage to the bitten shoulder and small band-aids to the nail marks. He wanted to keep tasting Gray's skin, smelling his hair and wintry scent, hold him, remembering these muscled arms and the strength of Gray's embrace.

"I don't want to go," he admitted in a sigh.

"You have a commitment," Gray told him.

Natsu looked into those stormy blue eyes. He wanted to say that he also had a commitment to Gray now, but … he didn't. Not yet. He may have marked Gray, but he did not own him yet. This precious treasure still legally belonged to someone else. Gray needed to work out his life. There was always the possibility that Juvia would forgive him. Then last night really would end up being a one-time thing.

He did not want Gray to suffer the shame and anguish of a divorce, but he also did not want to let him go a second time.

"I wish you could come with me."

Gray smiled plaintively. He had been thinking the same thing. "I need to sort this out."

Natsu dropped his head. That was the _mature_ thing to do. "I'm really sorry. I screwed up everything."

"I'm just as guilty. I shouldn't have…"

Gray's words cut off, and Natsu jolted. _Shouldn't have!_ It hurt to hear, but he knew Gray was right. They _shouldn't have_ done that. Even if they enjoyed it, even if it was a need that had eaten at them both for years, they should not have hurt Juvia that way.

Natsu spun away. He could not stand the thought of hurting Juvia. She had been a good friend for years, since they were crazy teens. She never did anything to hurt Natsu, and she had been loyal to Gray even when he went on long missions. She didn't deserve this!

He heard Gray whisper behind him, "Oh God, what am I going to do?"

Natsu pulled away. It was not just Juvia in pain. Gray was torn, and Natsu felt it was his fault. He never should have said anything. He should have kept bottling it, holding onto his secret, never tormented Gray by making him choose…

Arms suddenly wrapped around from behind, jolting Natsu out of his anguished self-belittling. He heard a soft sob and felt a shudder. Natsu stood still, letting Gray cry. He placed his hand over those cold arms, silently letting Gray know that he would support him, no matter what happened.

"Don't hate me, Natsu."

"That's my line," he said quietly. "Look, you have free rein over the house. Help yourself to any food lying around." He turned around and lifted Gray's head. "Whatever happens, whatever people do or what they say, promise me this: don't you dare do anything stupid."

Gray shook his head. "I wouldn't go that far."

"I mean it! Don't … _hurt_ yourself. Don't take some idiotic suicidal mission. And don't run off. Don't leave to another guild or … or move out of the country, or something like that." Natsu's hand touched Gray's cheek. "Even if I can't be with you, I want to see you again."

"I know. I promise, I'll still be here when you come back."

"You better be, bastard! I will seriously hunt you down." Natsu calmed himself from his fears of losing Gray completely. "Try to talk to Juvia again later, when you've both calmed down. I…" He tensed up and looked aside. "I kinda hope you can work this out … and kinda hope you'll be truly free when I come back. That's pretty shitty of me, isn't it?"

"Less shitty than what I'm thinking."

Natsu's eyes widened. "What's that?"

Gray's face struggled against a smile. "That when you come back…" He looked up, and his eyes gleamed like ice in the sun. "…I can take _your_ ass-virginity!"

Fire blazed through Natsu's veins, but before he could leap forward, Gray's head dropped in misery.

"Dammit, I really _don't_ deserve her!" he gnashed.

Natsu extinguished the flames of his passion. He turned aside with acidic pain in his gut. He really needed to get out of there or Gray would just be tormented more.

"I'll save it for you."

Gray looked up in confusion, and Natsu smiled back at him.

"My ass. I'll save it for you. You're the only one I want to do that with. My … my only love."

His throat choked up, and Natsu turned away sharply. He marched back out into the main room. He had to get away. Tears were burning his eyes, and he did not want to cry in front of Gray. He yanked a cloak around him and shouldered a massive pack that carried what he needed for six months of working on the S-Class mission.

Gray slowly walked out. He had to let Natsu go. He was too torn up inside to know what he should do, and he needed time alone to figure out his desires.

Natsu opened the door, and the cacophony of the pouring rain echoed through the empty house. It was quite a downpour now, and a flash of lightning split the sky. As Natsu looked at the sheets of rain and boiling clouds, he potently felt that this must be a reflection of the pain he and Gray were putting Juvia through. She was unleashing her fury through this storm.

He paused on the threshold, torn between leaving like he knew he should, or returning and flinging himself into Gray's arms. He wondered if it was this hard for Gray when he left the house that morning, thinking he might never get another chance to be together. Yet Gray had been strong. He had known what he needed to do. Right then, Natsu needed to give Gray time to sort out his life. He had been greedy enough for one day.

"See ya," he said in a gravelly whisper. He finally took a step outside and into the rain.

"Natsu!"

He paused at the shout, but Natsu could not turn around. If he did, he would never leave. Only the incessant tapping of rain pattered between them as both struggled between what they wanted and what they needed.

At last, Gray dropped his head and whispered, "Be safe."

Natsu's eyes closed, and a tear slipped out, quickly getting lost in the rainfall. "You too." Then he forced his feet to move down the muddy road.

As Natsu walked away, he felt a sickening shiver finally taking hold. He just messed up everything, and he had no clue how to fix this. There was nothing he could do but leave and get out of Gray's life. Maybe in six months, he would have patched things up with Juvia, and Natsu might return to see them happy again, her stomach heavy with a child. Or maybe Gray would be totally crushed and not want anything to do with the Dragon Slayer, hating him for destroying his happy marriage. Maybe—just maybe—he would be free and waiting for Natsu's return.

He was stabbed with guilt at the part of him that wanted Juvia to leave Gray, so Natsu could fully claim him as a mate.

Gray was right. They were both greedy bastards.

He started to run, then fled in anger, cursing himself for being so selfish, apologizing to Gray over and over again through his tears. Above, the sky flashed again as the raging storm pelted Natsu in punishment.


	10. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This story has been one long journey of mostly heartache. Nothing personifies emotional pain like the blues, but it can also hold a ray of hope, like the incredible Etta James and her song "Out of the Rain." The rain has now stopped in this story. Time for the joy after the storm._   
>  _"Out of the rain, under the shelter. I've been so long where the sun don't shine. Standing at the crossroad, oh, could have went either way, but now I've found you and the storm is behind. Out of the rain, out of the rain."_

It was autumn, almost time for Fantasia. Gray knew Natsu would be back for the celebration; no way would he miss it. He just did not know when the Fire Dragon Slayer was due to arrive. No one knew. Normally, Natsu was good at writing back to the people in Fairy Tail, just to assure everyone he was okay, although often to warn them that he broke something again. This time, they had only one letter from him, and that arrived in July, wishing Lucy a happy birthday.

Gray was in the guild hall, laughing at the younger generation of "brats" who were fighting amongst themselves. He remembered when it was him and Natsu acting like that, challenging one another, shouting and using magic in a brawl. Had it been this comical to the adults? He had taken those challenges and rivalries so seriously back then.

Happy flew up and sat beside Gray. The Exceed had hardly changed in all those years, although now he was a father to a few kittens. It seemed that Exceeds matured quickly but aged slowly. Pantherlily once said that Exceeds perceived time differently than humans. Gray wondered if these six months were a blink of an eye to Happy.

"How are you feeling, Gray?" the blue cat asked in concern.

He heard that question a lot lately. "Better than yesterday." That was his standard answer.

"Are you and Juvia talking again yet?"

He glanced across the room to the blue-haired woman. Seeing her still pained his heart. Maybe it always would. However, she was laughing at something Cana was saying. At least she could smile again.

"We've talked," he said quietly. It took half a year, but Fairy Tail had pretty much gotten over the shock of Gray and Juvia's divorce. Gray was just glad that Juvia said nothing about Natsu to anybody.

"Any word from Natsu?"

Gray had confessed everything to Happy. He felt that, as Natsu's best friend and practically like his son, the Exceed deserved to know. Happy was stunned, but he had nervously admitted that he knew about Natsu's feelings for Gray for a long time. He was not angry, and he came often to visit Gray. Really, if it had not been for his upbeat attitude, Gray had no clue how miserable he might have been over these past six months. However…

"I've not received a single letter," he admitted.

He would have liked something: a letter, a call, some sort of communication with the Dragon Slayer. Sometimes he wrote letters to Natsu, but he burned them afterward. The letters were mostly filled with his own anguish, confusion, venting his frustrations while reminiscing over that one night. He wondered if maybe the same was true about Natsu.

"What will you do?" asked Happy.

Gray dropped his head. The time to decide was soon. What had he decided upon after half a year thinking about this?

Before he could answer, Mira gasped. She had been reading the guild's mail, and one letter trembled in her hands. She looked up with happiness.

"Natsu is coming home!" she cried out. "He says he's due back Thursday. That's today. We should throw a party."

People cheered. Natsu was well-loved and respected, even if he was a destructive pyromaniac. Gray had to smiled with pride as he saw how Fairy Tail could rejoice for their very own Fire Dragon Slayer.

Happy flew off, wanting to read the letter. Gray drank some more, keeping quiet for now. No one else knew yet. He was not even sure what he could tell people. He wanted to save Natsu from shame, so he simply told no one but Happy about that night. Besides, for many months, he had no clue if it would be better for everyone if that evening ended up being a one-night-stand.

He realized Juvia had slipped up beside him. He still had to fight the desire to reach out and touch her. She did what she had to do, and he did not blame her at all. She was a strong, independent woman, and she simply did not tolerate lying and cheating. He respected that about her.

"Gray?"

No more _sama_. That was one of the worst changes. Just hearing her say his name like that forced him to realize their romance was over.

"Are you still living in Natsu's house?"

That much was common knowledge, and no one questioned it. The house was abandoned, after all. "Yeah, I'm still there," he muttered.

"Do … do you plan to stay?"

He knew what that question implied. If he stayed, he would be moving in with Natsu. If he left, he was letting Natsu know that what they had could not be continued.

"I don't know," Gray admitted sadly. "I have no clue what the future might bring. It might be that Natsu feels too guilty, and…" He glanced her over. It still felt weird, not wearing his wedding ring. "I know it was my fault, but … I'm not sure if I'm ready to fully move on."

Part of his heart still loved her, although he knew he had cheated and betrayed her. Part of him still hoped she would take him back, but deep in his soul, he knew that would not happen, because part of him felt butterflies at the prospect of seeing Natsu again. So long as he felt more joy in Natsu than in Juvia, he did not deserve her.

"You need to find love again, Gray," Juvia said with a bittersweet smile. "Any love."

Gray blinked in surprise. _Any love._ That was so similar to his own thoughts once. He had married her because he wanted _any love_.

_"Even if it's lukewarm, some love—any love—is better than loneliness … right?"_

Confessing that to Natsu had inflamed the Dragon Slayer. They had argued, fought, just like old times, but with rife tension. That tension had broken with kisses, passion, and right at the height of that passion, Natsu had said something Gray would never forget.

_"I knew I only wanted you. I'm not the sort to settle for any love. That's why it really pissed me off when you said that."_

Natsu had wanted only Gray. Not just any love. He wanted pure love.

Could Gray give him pure love?

"Not just any love," he said, mostly to himself. Then he smiled to Juvia. "Thank you. I need to think about this." He stood up.

"Gray."

Still, not hearing _sama_ at the end stabbed at him. Their marriage was over. He had spent half a year coming to grips with that.

"Choose what your heart wants."

"I can't," he said immediately, and he smiled back to her. "My heart is too selfish."

Then he grabbed up a shirt he had discarded, yanked it on, and buttoned it as he walked out the door. He needed a long walk and time to think about where his life would go from here.

* * *

Natsu arrived home to see it empty. Although the dust covers were off the furniture and the place was clean, he heard and smelled nothing. Natsu set his travel bag down and looked at the empty house.

Gray must have moved out. Recently, by the looks of things. The ice mage had also not been at the guild when Natsu first arrived. Someone said he left shortly after hearing that Natsu would return that day. The Dragon Slayer could guess the issue.

Gray simply was not ready to see him again. The pain must still be too deep.

The lights worked. Gray obviously had turned the electricity back on. That was nice of him. Natsu walked through the house and to the bedroom. Usually, he came home and immediately flopped on his bed, savoring the familiarity of his mattress. This time, Natsu looked at that bed as visions of _that night_ swirled in his head. It had been so wonderful, so precious. It had left him with fantasies that plagued him through many lonely nights, and hopes for a future that was obviously not destined to be.

Had Gray been sleeping in his bed every night since then? It was a nice thing to imagine.

He wondered if Gray was okay, and if he managed to patch things up with Juvia. He had seen Juvia in the guild, but he had not gotten to talk to her. Why was she there and Gray not? Obviously, she wasn't pregnant.

Natsu sneered and scolded himself when he realized he hoped they had _not_ made up. Really, he was _still_ a greedy bastard!

Just then, he heard the door open. Natsu ran into the main room to see Gray arriving with his arms full of grocery bags.

"Hey, you're home," Gray smiled, kicking the door shut behind him. "Sorry I wasn't here. I wanted to make something special for tonight to celebrate, but I was out of a lot of food. It's a pain in the ass, hauling groceries all the way back from town, so I've only been shopping when I really run out of food."

Natsu stood frozen in astonishment. Gray … was here?

Casually, Gray carried the groceries to the kitchen and began to put them away. "I know you like fire chicken, and there was a sale on whole chickens at the meat market. I also got a cantaloupe and some apples. I bet you've hardly eaten any fruits at all while on your mission. You always come back so thin. Really, you need fruits for energy. So I was thinking about chopping up the cantaloupe and apples and…"

In the middle of his rambling, Natsu grabbed Gray from behind and crushed him in a hug. "Don't leave!" he cried out desperately.

Gray laughed softly. "Well, I'm at least staying for dinner, since I'm the one who bought all this food."

"No." Natsu squeezed tighter and buried his face into the cool skin. "Stay here. Stay forever."

Slowly, Gray turned around to face him. Natsu was almost in tears. His hair was even longer than before. He definitely had not cut it in those six months. His stubble was so thick, Gray could nearly imagine Natsu with a beard. When Gray stroked down that cheek, the facial hair felt fuzzy and soft on his fingers, all the way down to his chin. He wanted to pet all this pink hair.

"I'm still not sure where I am emotionally," he warned.

Natsu dropped his head in disappointment.

"But I know one thing." Gray smiled and tilted Natsu's face back up. "I keep dreaming about you. I don't dream about Juvia anymore. Only about you. I really … really want you again." Already, his body was reacting to the heat of the Dragon Slayer.

"I don't want to lose you," Natsu said fervently. He looked at Gray's bare shoulder and saw small white marks. "You have a scar there."

Gray blushed and felt the rough skin. "Yeah, you bit me hard, bastard. It was bleeding off and on for three days."

Natsu caressed that permanent mark. "I wanted to claim you." When his eyes flicked up to Gray, they glowed with predatory hunger. "I want you to be mine."

Gray shivered, but he looked away. "Natsu…"

"All I thought about on my mission was getting back to you and trying to make things right again." His hands slid up Gray's chest. "The only way they can be right is if you're mine." He leaned in closer, his lips loose, staring at Gray's mouth. "My only love."

Gray felt all of his fears and hesitancy melting with the heat of this Fire Dragon Slayer. His arms wrapped around Natsu, pulling him in, just as their lips met. Natsu clutched into Gray's hair, pulling it and yanking his head up for a better kiss. Gray moaned at the hair pulling, and he yanked Natsu closer, until the Dragon Slayer was thrusting him up against the kitchen sink. He unclasped Natsu's traveling cloak and let it drop to the floor. Then his hands ran up the Dragon Slayer's body, slipped under his clothes, and felt the heat of his skin.

"Gray," Natsu moaned, shuddering at the chill that ran through him with the cold touch of the ice mage's fingers.

Gray pulled back and stared up into those sage-green eyes. He had no ambivalence anymore. His mind and body had decided. He smiled, glad that for the first time in six months, he was firm about what was the right choice.

"I choose _you_ , Natsu."

The squinty eyes widened in surprise. "But, Juvia…"

"She went through with the divorce."

"You two could still make up. You could…"

"I know that. It could happen," he agreed. "In a year, maybe five years, she could take me back, but … I can't be what she deserves. I can't love her purely because…" He reached up and caressed Natsu's face. "For how much I loved her in the past, I love you way more. Always have. Always will. Back then, I chose my pride and settled for _any love_. This time, I choose you, not because you're someone who wants me, but because, since the beginning, you've been the _only_ one who I have ever wanted without any regrets."

Natsu stared in silent shock. Gray was giving up a wife and family, all for him. He could not even imagine giving up something so precious. That made Gray's love even more special, because it was not just _any love_. It was pure love. He picked Natsu. He was not settling for the next best thing. He was sacrificing something precious, all so he could be with Natsu.

"I won't let you regret it," Natsu swore fervently. He caressed Gray's face and rubbed down to the scar that marked him. "You're my mate. My precious … wonderful … only mate!"

They kissed again, softer this time, savoring the reunion. Then Gray leaned back and smiled happily. "Welcome home," he said softly.

Natsu sighed contentedly. Suddenly, this truly did feel like a homecoming. "I'm home," he whispered. Then he leaned in and gave Gray another gentle kiss.


	11. Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A fan on my Facebook page "Rhov Anion's Minions" recommended[Kiesza's "Giant In My Heart."](http://youtu.be/MDUoSpDKwXk) I absolutely love that tune now. "So give me all the magic. Just give me all the magic that we made. It's like a giant in my heart, babe. This love is greater than my heartbreak. … What am I supposed to do? In my heart there's only you. Baby, I can't lose you."_

Their kissing went on, sweet and filled with longing, desperation, feeling like maybe this was not even real, and grasping one another to reaffirm the truth that they were both here. Then Natsu pulled back and laughed with a beaming grin.

"What's so funny, asshole?" Gray asked, also laughing and not sure why.

"We're idiots."

"You're an idiot."

"You, too."

"You're a bigger idiot."

"I'm not the one who ran off and got married." He hugged Gray tightly. His hands caressed the firm muscles, and he had to look at the skin to assure himself, this was really happening, he was home, Gray was still here, and they were together. Finally! Softly, he confessed, "I feel like I'd be a jerk if I said _I'm glad_ , but still … I can't help but feel happy. You're free! You're mine!"

Gray smiled gently and combed his fingers through the lengthy pink hair. "Yes. I'm yours now." His hand stroked down Natsu's back and to his butt. "And _this_ is mine."

Natsu jolted back in surprise.

"Later," Gray assured him. "You're probably hungry."

"Yeah," Natsu said softly. Yet instead of letting Gray fix dinner, Natsu snatched a handful of black hair and roughly yanked the icy mouth against him. "Hungry!" he snarled.

Gray shivered as the Dragon Slayer thrust against him, and he felt the stiffening arousal.

"I missed you," Natsu groaned into Gray's mouth.

"Oh? Have you been thinking about me?" Gray asked blithely between devouring kisses.

"Every damn day," Natsu sneered, nipping down his neck and kissing over the bite scar on Gray's shoulder.

"Have you been touching yourself to thoughts of me?"

Natsu yanked back, and although his cheeks were flushed by the question, his eyes burned with passion. "Every … damn … day!"

"That's a lot of jerking off," Gray teased.

"I didn't come every day, idiot. I'd think about you before bed, touch a little, and fall asleep. My hand isn't as good as your mouth."

Gray smirked slyly. "Oh?" He suddenly dropped to his knees and palmed up Natsu's bulge. "Do you miss my mouth?" He lightly bit the cock through Natsu's tented pants.

Natsu let out a strained moan. "God, yes!"

Gray pulled back with a disgusted face. "You have mud on your clothes." He raised back up and stared hard at the Dragon Slayer. "You're dirty," he said seductively, and he leaned in close to Natsu's face. "You need a bath."

Natsu felt a shiver at the ice mage's words.

"When was the last time someone scrubbed your back?"

Natsu ran a hand up Gray's arm, admiring the added muscles. "Six months ago, when you did it. What about you?"

Gray gave a light shrug and apologetically admitted, "Last week."

Natsu face shattered in disappointment. Sadly, he realized he should not have expected that Gray would completely give up sex just for him. That was silly and selfish. He was a man with needs. "A girlfriend?"

"Male."

"O-oh," he said, even more saddened. He was no longer Gray's only male partner. "So, a boyfriend?"

"No," Gray said, turning his face aside. "He's already married, actually."

Natsu's eyes blazed in outrage. "An _affair_?" he bellowed. "You're having an affair? Gray, you bastard!"

Gray smiled, his chest jolted, and then he snorted softly. Suddenly, he began to laugh loudly, backing away as laughter burst out of him. "Oh God, you are so easy!" He clutched his belly as his chuckles increased. "You should see your face! Haha! Oh God, this is priceless. I'm getting a stomach ache already. Hahahaha! Oh man, I haven't laughed this hard in ages."

"What the hell, asshole?" Natsu roared.

Gray laughed and wiped a tear from his eye. "I took Happy to an onsen. He offered to scrub my back. He scratched me with his claws, too, the furry brat! On accident, of course. Did you really think that just because someone washed my back, we'd be intimate? Sheesh, you're a real idiot. How many times has Erza washed our backs, huh? Stuuuupid!" Gray suddenly grabbed Natsu's face with both hands and leaned in. "Did you truly think I could be satisfied with anyone else after having a taste of you?"

He slammed his mouth against those fiery lips, savoring the flavor, the feel, the reminiscent heat of this sort of kiss. It still took Natsu a few seconds to get over his confusion and realize that Gray had been teasing him.

"You bastard!" he grumbled, but Gray's mouth would not surrender him yet. For once, Natsu decided to let Gray win this time.

"You still need that shower," Gray whispered, nibbling Natsu's ear.

Natsu grabbed around Gray and began to walk backward toward the bathroom. Gray led him, sometimes glancing to make sure they did not hit any furniture. Natsu knew the way—it was his house, after all—and he refused to let Gray go. Together, they walked and kissed all the way into the shower.

Gray thrust Natsu up against the tiles. He began to strip Natsu from his road-weary clothes, kissing flesh as it became exposed, slowly working his way down. He palmed Natsu hard again, rubbing him mercilessly through his pants until he felt the member inside grow and harden. Finally, Natsu moaned his name, and Gray released him. He undid Natsu's belt and dropped down everything. Natsu hurried to get the pants and his socks off while Gray stripped with his usual superhuman speed. They turned on the water, settling for something warm but not cold nor hot, a compromise between the two of them. Then, naked and fully aroused, they stood under the shower and let it beat on their bodies.

"Remember this?" Gray asked as he rubbed a soapy sponge on Natsu's body, making sure to entice every erogenous zone. "For the past six months, I haven't been able to take a shower in here without remembering."

"Did you jerk off in my shower?" Natsu asked flippantly, but then Gray's soapy hand tweaked his nipple.

"Can you blame me?" Gray asked smugly, running the sponge down Natsu's torso, leaving trails of white bubbles behind. "It was quite an erotic sight to have burned into my memory: you all wet, with your hair dripping down … I really like the longer hair, by the way."

"It's a pain to keep it cut when I'm on missions. I wouldn't want it longer, though. Too long and it's no good in a fight."

Gray reached up and soaped the back of Natsu's neck, playing through the hair as he did so. "I think it's sexy. Makes you look like some bad-ass."

"I _am_ a bad-ass, idiot."

"Yeah, but when we were kids you looked ridiculous. I mean, _pink_ hair? We all teased that you had to be gay."

"It's not like being born with pink hair makes a guy gay!"

"Well, it looks really good now." He scrubbed shampoo into Natsu's hair.

"Hey, gentle, you jerk!"

"Your hair is disgusting. When was your last bath?" He let the shower flow through the hair, taking away the suds. As Natsu leaned his head up into the cascading water, Gray stroked the stiff facial hair prickling those cheeks and throat. "Are you going to grow a beard?"

"Hell no!"

"Maybe a goatee?"

"What, do you have a kink for facial hair or something?" Natsu huffed.

"I never really thought about it, but … it looks good." His hand stroked down Natsu's cheek. "Like I can just pet you all night."

Natsu's eyes were closed in reverie, but he peeked one eye open. "I want more than petting tonight."

"Oh?" Gray smirked. "What if I pet here?" His hand dropped, and he grabbed Natsu's erect shaft.

"Oh God, yes," the Dragon Slayer groaned.

"I could pet here, right? Stroke this? All night?" he whispered sensually.

"Gr-Gray—"

The ice mage asked quickly, "Can you go twice?"

"Definitely!"

"Good."

Gray dropped to his knees and took Natsu into his mouth in an instant. The taste was already bitterly-salty from pre-cum, a taste Gray had known only once in his life, half a year ago, and yet he would never forget it. Natsu's hips immediately made a desperate thrust to bury himself in that wet heat. He grabbed Gray's hair, holding his head, while his hips moved on their own.

Suddenly, Gray pulled back, and Natsu cried out in protest.

"You're gonna bruise my throat, bastard," the ice mage grumbled. He pressed Natsu against the shower tiles and held his hips firmly against the wall. "Now stop acting like some desperate dog in heat and let me enjoy my treat for waiting so long for you."

He licked slowly, purposely denying Natsu what he wanted, tracing his tongue around the head, lapping across the slit, and sucking the foreskin up with his lips. Natsu's hips shuddered as his skin went over the head, only to be pressed back down by Gray's mouth, with nips and licks to the sensitive nerves. His haunches tensed, but Gray held him pinned to the wall, not allowing him to make any thrusts to speed things up.

"I was a good boy, y'know," Gray said, lapping the shower water dripping onto Natsu's sack, sucking gently and feeling the tremble in those powerful thigh muscles. "Waited for you. I haven't _gotten any_ in all this time. I could've flirted, could've gotten laid real easy. Even had a few offers. More than a few! I turned them all down." He gave a flat-tongued lick right up Natsu's shaft and gazed up at those squinty eyes gazing half-lidded down at him. "Don't I deserve a treat?"

He dived down before Natsu could answer and buried that cock deep into his mouth before slowly, playfully, pulling back up, sucking hard the whole way. He popped out, and Natsu's hips tried to thrust again, wanting right back inside that warmth.

"So how about you?" Gray asked as he kissed Natsu's thigh and nipped a spot he remembered from before was really sensitive. Sure enough, the tiny bite made Natsu leap and cry out loudly. "Hit up a few whore houses on your travels? Flirt up any farmer's daughters? Took the offers of a tavern wench or two?"

"Like I'd do that," Natsu scoffed, twitching as Gray just lightly sucked on him again, teasing without fulfilling. "C-Come on, I saved myself for you all these years. Do you think I'd become a slut just because … _nngh_ … because I got to fuck you once?"

"Weirder things have happened." Gray gazed up again, and a tender smile was on his lips. "I'm glad you didn't, though. I was worried."

Natsu's brow tensed. "About what?"

Gray did not answer yet. He sucked on Natsu again, drawing out a low moan. Those burning fingers tangled in his hair, tugging sloppily, pulling Gray's hair just on the pleasant side of being painful.

"Gray! Oh God, your mouth!"

The ice mage kept pressing until the cock hit the back of his throat. He could not angle any deeper from this position, but Natsu seemed to like simply having something to slam against. Finally, Gray released the Dragon Slayer's hips, letting him thrust on his own, loving the small moans Natsu made with each snap of his hips. One of Gray's fingers slipped up and tapped Natsu's ass, twirling around enticingly, but not entering until he got permission.

"Yesss!" Natsu hissed. "Do it!"

Moistened with the shower, Gray's callused finger slipped slowly inside, and Natsu groaned in pleasure. Gray was pleased to feel he was so tight. Natsu had offered his ass virginity six months ago. Gray was now eager to take it! For the moment, he wanted to play, loosen Natsu a bit, and pleasure him for coming home, for wanting him, for choosing to remain loyal to his heart through all these years, even when Gray himself had settled for _any love_.

"Gr-Gray! Gray, I'm … c-can I?"

To reply, Gray hummed, vibrating Natsu with an erotic purring, and curled his finger inside. Natsu's fingers clenched, pulling painfully at Gray's hair, as his hips jolted forward with a sensual cry.

Gray savored the taste pouring into his mouth. He let it play across his tongue for a moment before gulping it down. He rose sveltely, rubbing his body up against Natsu's, until his arousal slid into a nook of the Dragon Slayer's hip.

"I need you … now!" Gray said raspily.

Natsu was still panting and looked up in surprise. "We're not clean yet."

"I don't care," he hissed, and he thrust against Natsu harder. "Either in bed or here in the shower, and I won't be gentle if we're in this shower."

"Bed. Tired," Natsu panted, not recovered yet from his release.

Gray turned off the water and pulled Natsu along by the hand, not even drying themselves off. He practically threw Natsu onto the bed and mounted on top.

"Whoa, wait!" Natsu cried out.

"I've already waited six months."

"Gray, seriously, I … I'm not … please, just wait!"

Although Gray was ready to pierce him even without being prepped, he pulled back at the plea. "Natsu?"

"Please, Gray."

"What? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Just … I need to rest. I want to be ready when you do it."

"Natsu…"

"I know you need it, but … but it's my first time and … and I … I wanna really experience it, ya know? Does that make sense?"

Gray sighed and rolled over onto his side. "Yeah. You've never been entered, and here I just wanna slam into you. Sorry. I just … I … I wanna do it before you change your mind."

"Change my mind?" Natsu asked. "Why the hell would I do that?"

"Lots of reasons," he muttered sullenly.

"Gray," Natsu whispered. He rolled over and lightly stroked the withering arousal. "I want it to be you. No one else. You know that!"

Gray stared down at Natsu's hand coaxing his arousal. "I've been worried about that sort of thing. Maybe you'd decide you didn't like it. Maybe you'd find a girl on your trip. Maybe you'd feel too guilty about Juvia, or you wouldn't want some used, secondhand guy like me. Or maybe you'd come home and kick me out, want to go back to your simple, bachelor life. You used to say, dragons are solitary creatures."

Natsu's fingers stroked through the raven locks. "Gray," he whispered sadly. "Have you been worrying about that all this time?"

He chuckled lightly to himself. "I've had more to worry about than just you, bastard." Blue eyes flicked up into sage green ones. "But yeah, I was afraid you wouldn't want the drama that comes with this. When people find out…"

"Did Juvia tell everyone?"

"No," he whispered. Talking about her while having Natsu's pleasure his groin was decidedly _very_ uncomfortable. "I told Happy, but that's all."

"Do you think we should tell others?"

"No. I mean, about this, sure," he clarified. "They'll figure it out soon enough anyway. But not about what happened six months ago. I'd rather save Juvia from the humiliation. If she wants to tell everyone, she can, but I won't do that to her. It was hard enough on us."

Natsu laid his head on Gray's chest, listening to his heart beat. "You've had it rough, huh? I wish I could have been here to help you through it."

Gray smiled at the offer. "We both know, that would have made things _way_ more complicated. Still … there were nights when I wanted to leave here and chase after you."

"I used to sit up at night and wish you would come for me."

Gray smiled over to Natsu. "I needed this time, though. I wanted to make sure. I needed to know for certain, for myself, that this really was something I wanted."

"I know," Natsu said solemnly. "So, you're sure?"

"I've had half a year to make this decision, Natsu. I'm sure."

Hearing that made Natsu smile with bittersweet happiness. "I'll admit, I still feel guilty. Probably always will."

Gray rolled onto his side and propped up on an elbow. "We did something horrible. We can't erase that decision. Still," and he gave Natsu an encouraging face, "I don't regret it."

Natsu grinned faintly in relief. "Me either. I should," he said with pained anguish, "but … I don't. I want you too much. I need you, Gray," he said yearningly, pawing at the icy cheeks. "I've always wanted just you." He took Gray's hand and brought it down to his tiny opening. "Touch me, Gray. Take me. I want to be yours. I want to know … you really do want me. Only me!"

Gray leaned forward, his eyes lowered, almost predatory in their hunger. "Only you," he whispered. He kissed Natsu, pressing him down slowly, until the Dragon Slayer was flat against the bed. Caging him in, Gray gazed down and swore ardently, "Only … ever … you."


	12. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _There were two songs that I loved listening to while writing this chapter: first, a classic love ballad by Richard Marx, " **[Now and Forever](http://youtu.be/OeDiK2uy3DU)**." "Whenever I'm weary from the battles that raged in my head, you make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread. I lose my way, but still you seem to understand. Now and forever, I will be your man."_
> 
> _However, what really inspired me while writing this, and I named this chapter after the song, was Rihanna's " **[Stay](http://youtu.be/JF8BRvqGCNs)**."_

Gray pressed his finger back inside, and Natsu hissed in pleasure. Slowly, oh so rapturously slowly, Gray slid in and out, feeling the tightness gradually loosening.

"It's … a bit weird," Natsu admitted.

"It'll get better. Tell me when to add a second."

"No. Now. Just do it."

Gray looked down with worry. "Are you sure?"

"Don't ask again, bastard!" Natsu blushed and looked aside. "Even if it hurts, that's fine. I want you."

Gray nodded, and he rolled over to the nightstand.

Natsu lifted up slightly and watched in confusion. "What…?"

Gray opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube. As he gazed at it, he smiled faintly. "I'll confess, I was hopeful when I bought it."

Natsu chuckled. "What, no olive oil this time?"

"I can baste you another day." Gray drizzled out some lube onto his erection and spread it around Natsu's hole with his fingers. "I want this to be good for you."

"It will be," Natsu said with assurance.

Gray gulped hard as he set the bottle down and held himself. He looked at the waiting entrance, and worries surged up. It was now or never. "Are you really sure?" he whispered.

Natsu consented with fervent eyes. "Please."

Gray nodded with determination. Slowly, he nudged in, pressing hard, holding his cock so it would not slip. Natsu made a pained moan, but he growled out, "More!" Sweating already, throat dry from panting, Gray pressed harder, feeling the body under him slowly open up, so tight it was almost painful.

"Relax. Loosen up," he whispered.

"I'm … _nngh_ … trying," Natsu sneered.

Gray stroked back his lanky pink hair. He whispered words, until he hardly knew what he was saying: "You're amazing. So hot. So wonderful. I love you. I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!"

He could not thank Natsu enough, thank him for waiting, for staying loyal, for never betraying his emotions, even when Gray had betrayed his own. He kissed Natsu's face over and over, thanking him in every way he could.

Finally, Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray, scratching his nails up the back side of his neck and into the hairline, sending a shiver through Gray's body. The command was silent, but those eyes spoke loudly. Slowly, Gray pressed in more. Natsu cringed, but he nodded, wanting more, more, _more!_

Gray thrust slowly, and then he pulled back. Natsu shuddered out a moan, and Gray's breath hitched at the sound. He felt the body under him loosen up until the gliding became effortless.

"Oh God, it's…" Gray cut off his words.

"Is it better?" Natsu asked. "Better than _her_?"

"Don't ever make me compare you two," Gray warned. "But … it's tighter." He thrust in again, and Natsu let out a strained cry. "Warmer," Gray purred, and his hips flexed slowly, savoring the feel of that heat sheathing his arousal.

"G-Gray!" Natsu cried out as his body trembled.

"Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm … oh God, that feels good."

"I told you, you'd like bottoming." Gray chuckled as he stroked the pink hair back off of Natsu's sweaty forehead. "Cry out. Let me know you like it. Don't hold back, or I'll just make it harder on you."

Natsu's teary eyes peeked open. "I want it hard. I want everything you've got."

Gray kissed Natsu's brow. "Not this time."

Natsu looked hurt by the denial. "Why not?" he asked sadly.

"It's your first time. If I gave you everything right at the beginning, there'd be nothing new the second time." He thrust in right then. "And the third time." He rammed in harder, and Natsu cried out. "And again, and again!"

Natsu's body blazed as Gray thrust in a steady rhythm, breathing hard, his cold hands caressing Natsu's thighs and holding his legs up.

How long had it been since he took someone like this? Months. More than six months, since it was before the mission that concluded with that fateful night. Gray was not able to do this before, not with the guilt of betraying Juvia. Now, all impediments were fading away. He wanted Natsu, needed him, and he knew without any doubts that he wanted to share this with the Dragon Slayer, to give pleasure to someone else, to be inside this body, with all of its fiery heat. As he made love to Natsu, there were no more regrets.

Natsu felt embarrassed having Gray look down at him with those frosty eyes and beguiled smile.

"Stop that," he grumbled.

"Oh?" With wry amusement, Gray stopped and leaned back. "Do you want me to stop?" He pulled almost all the way out.

"No! Don't stop _that_. Stop looking at me that way."

Gray could hardly help but chuckle. "What if I turn off the light?"

Natsu thought about it. His eyes were good, even in the dark, but Gray would not be able to see as well. He could make faces, and Gray would not see them. Feeling flustered, Natsu nodded. Gray stretched over and flicked off the lamp. The room went darker. There was still some fading red sunlight outside, but the curtains cast shadows over the bed.

"Better?" Gray asked.

"Yeah," Natsu whispered. He suddenly felt like an idiot, asking for the lights to be turned off.

"Good. You're even sexier this way." Gray caressed Natsu's neck and some red marks already pocking his skin. "Besides, in the dark like this, I can watch you glow."

"Glow?" Natsu asked.

Instead of answering his question, Gray rammed in hard, and Natsu gasped in shock. The pounding from early continued, but this time Gray's hand reached down and stroked Natsu. Those cold fingers tingled on his burning arousal.

" _Nnnngh_ … Gray … ahhhh!"

Gray watched as the _glow_ began. He had noticed it last time, too. When Natsu got truly excited, he lost control of his flames. It was never enough to set things on fire, but especially now with the lights off, he saw lambent flames flicker over the Dragon Slayer's skin. Sometimes the fire was in Natsu's mouth, a small but heated breath, gone in a flash. Sometimes it licked across his hands, and as he grasped tightly onto Gray, the ice mage felt the heat penetrating his skin. He knew when something truly pleased Natsu, because those tiny flames went out of control and the overall heat of Natsu's body soared.

"Natsu," he warned, "I won't last long."

"That's fine," the Dragon Slayer panted. "Just, you better not stop until I come, too."

Gray chuckled, leaned over, and licked up Natsu's neck. "Then I better make this quick."

He bit into Natsu's shoulder, and the Dragon Slayer howled. Gray's hips thrust harder, and his hand stroked Natsu frantically. As Gray drew closer to his climax, his teeth bit harder and harder, clamping down as his grunts went wild, erratic, and turned into drawn out groans.

"Natsuuu!"

Natsu wanted to hold back, last longer, beat Gray in a battle of endurance. However, as he felt pressure filling him inside and the throbs pulsing through the penis that had him spread so wide, he lost all control. His fingers clawed into Gray's back as all the lust he had been saving up for six months spilled out into Gray's fingers. He shuddered deep in his soul: being claimed, being wanted, being loved this deeply.

Gray kept his eyes partly opened even through the most intense moment. The fiery glow around Natsu raged out of control, wrapping around both of them, burning and making Gray hurt. It was a pain he could endure, though. To see Natsu lost in this bliss, he would put up with anything. Then as their hearts settled and the passion cooled, the heated glow faded, leaving behind a spent and tired Dragon Slayer.

"Natsu?" he whispered hoarsely, stroking the rough beard hairs on the flushed and sweaty cheeks. Gray leaned over, kissed those hot lips, and felt the fiery breath panting out in satisfied weariness.

As he calmed down, Natsu's tired eyes peaked open. Eyes like a stormy sky gazed down at him. Softly, he sighed, "Gray…"

"Are you all right?"

Too tired to speak, Natsu just nodded.

Gray pulled out and collapsed beside Natsu, gazing up at the ceiling. For six months, he had laid in this bed, looked up at those wooden beams, and thought about the day when Natsu could be in bed with him again. He felt Natsu roll over and lie on top of his chest. Gray hugged him, pulled him in, and squeezed as he finally had his dreams come true.

"Stay forever," Natsu whispered.

Gray kissed the top of his head. "If that's what you want."

"Please," he whispered.

Gray took Natsu's chin and lifted those green eyes, a gaze filled with ambivalent hope. "Okay. Forever."

Natsu grinned with bursting happiness.

"Are you still hungry?"

"Hungry? Oh. Well, I'm kinda tired now. I could probably go for one last romp later tonight, but I doubt you'll get more than three out of me in one day, not after how hard that mission was and walking all day."

"I mean dinner, idiot."

"O-oh." Natsu blushed at the confusion. "Yeah, I'm that sort of hungry, too."

Gray knuckled him on the head, making Natsu pull away with an annoyed pout. "Horny dragon! Let's wash up. Then you can help me in the kitchen."

"Will you wear an apron?"

"Only if you do, too."

"Deal!"

* * *

They showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen. Gray put on the apron, like Natsu wanted. Instead of really helping him cook, Natsu mostly just clung to Gray's back, not wanting to be apart from him for even a moment. The only times he let go were when Gray specifically asked him to do something. He would fetch a spice, grab a dish, put something in the trash, and immediately he was back behind Gray, his arms wrapped around, resting his cheek on the cold back.

"You're like a monkey," Gray teased.

"I missed you," Natsu insisted, not letting go. Gray decided, he did not really mind.

They sat out the dinner plates and began to eat. Under the table, Natsu's foot kept rubbing up Gray's ankle. He stared at Gray all through the meal. Then, all of a sudden, just as they were scraping up the last of the food from their plates, Natsu's eyes dropped with guilt.

"Hey, I wanted to apologize for something."

Gray looked up in shock. "Apologize?"

"Maybe it's awkward to mention it now, but … five years ago, your wedding to Juvia. Gildarts and I missed it."

Gray looked away sullenly. "You both apologized back then, idiot."

"No, we lied. We said the mission was hard and we were delayed. That wasn't the truth. We had finished the mission a week before the wedding, but … I didn't want to go. Gildarts could tell, maybe he even guessed why. He agreed to skip out."

Gray's mouth dropped. "But, you two came back all beaten up."

"Ah! Well, we had to pass the time somehow, so we kept challenging each other every day. The old man didn't hold back, either. He said that since he was going to be missing wedding cake, he'd beat the crap out of me."

Gray laughed, realizing that sort of excuse made way more sense than Natsu _and_ Gildarts having a hard time finishing a mission. "It doesn't matter anymore anyway. Just so long as you don't miss any more of my weddings."

Natsu's mouth dropped in sadness. "You … you think you might remarry someday?"

"Dunno," Gray shrugged. He stood and walked past Natsu, who was staring ahead blankly in miserable shock. Suddenly, Gray grabbed Natsu's chin and yanked his head up. Those steel-blue eyes sparkled like ice in the sun as they shined at the Fire Dragon Slayer. "I really do hope so," he whispered sensually, and he gave Natsu a firm kiss.

Natsu was left dazed, and Gray smirked at the dumbfounded face as he walked off. Finally, Natsu realized what Gray meant and blushed fiercely.

"Bastard! Don't tease me like that!"

"You're the one who lied to me about missing my wedding."

"You said it doesn't matter anymore."

"You still lied to me."

"Then don't lie to me." Natsu bolted up, ran after Gray, grabbed his arm, and yanked him around. "Do you really want to remarry?" he asked seriously.

Gray was shocked by the urgency in Natsu's eyes. He pouted, and emphasized, " _Some-_ day."

"Fine! Then someday—" Natsu's voice faded with sudden hesitancy. "Someday … we'll see," he mumbled bashfully, and he turned away just as his cheeks began to turn pink.

Gray laughed softly at his reaction. He knew it really was way too soon to think about something like marriage. Still, he was glad that Natsu seemed at least willing to make that a part of their potential future. Gray just wanted to test this new relationship out to make sure they would have no regrets.

He walked into the kitchen, but he got distracted by the sight out the window. It was autumn, almost time for Fantasia. The leaves were turning to burnished shades of yellow, red, and orange, yet the sky was perfectly clear. There was no more rain, no more crying. Their regrets were behind them. The path to their future shined like the brilliant autumn sun blazing in the clear sky.

**The End**


End file.
